Pushing 26

I had a pretty great birthday last year. Long-time readers may be aware that despite being confident, well-adjusted and happy in every other area of my life I somehow suffer from dumb irrational birthday angst. So it really made me happy last year when loads of people remembered, my best friend sent flowers to my office, and Tortoise decided to grace Singapore with their presence.

This year’s birthday looked off to a bad start when I checked the gig schedule hopefully only to see…Jason Mraz. Thankfully, lots of preferable events quickly emerged, and I decided to take matters into my own hands for the actual day.

So this is the plan so far:

  • 15 March: Erlend Oye’s DJ set at the Mosaic music festival. I’ve long wished the dude would just quit indie music and focus on DJing because I think his taste in house music far outstrips his indie muzak.

  • 16 March: No special plans but my usual Thursday lindy hopping will probably keep me very happy. [Edit: Actually on second thoughts, I don’t really have the time for this one. Nuts.]

  • 17 March: my actual birthday. For the first time since the age of 8, I’m taking the chance on a party. Since my previous attempt at mixing my friends went okay, I decided to push my luck a little and impose a theme – being born on St Patrick’s Day makes it a no-brainer anyway. So “Craic Whores” it is then – a cheesy Irish theme party fit to inflict a lifetime’s worth of cringing on my poor Irishman.

  • 18 March: This is the tricky bit. Ideally I will spend the afternoon getting drenched in water and dye and bhangra at the Holi festival, rush home to change, rush out again to Ci’en’s party where she has kindly invited a couple of us to play music, then finally head to see GANG STARR!(!!!!!) However, in reality it is far more likely that I will collapse asleep on my bed after Holi and wake up the next morning still Technicolored. I live in hope though.

Three Signs I’ve Been Out Of England Too Long

The first sign I’ve been out of England too long came a while ago. I was in a conversation with someone about British conceptual artists and drew a temporary blank on someone I really should have remembered instantly. “You know…the stroppy one…really minging…lives in Shoreditch…put her bed on display with used condoms and stained underwear…fuckfuckfuckwhoisit…TRACY EMIN! How could I forget Tracy Emin??!!”

The second sign I’ve been out of England too long was during a conversation with Alec and Benny where we were reminiscing about London music venues.

Benny: Where was that place we saw Public Enemy again?
Me: Um…er…dammit I can’t believe I can’t remember the name. Alec, it’s the same place we saw Fugazi. What was the name?
Alec: Uh…hmm…oh feck I can’t remember either.
Benny: Northern line tube station.
Alec: A few stops above Camden, I think.
Me: In a dodgy area. But the venue was beautiful, probably a converted old theatre.
Benny: …
Alec: …
Me: …
All: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[Ten minutes later, when we had totally moved on in the conversation]
Me: I GOT IT! The Forum! In Kentish Town! Thank God!

[Yes, we are dorks.]

And the third sign I’ve been out of England too long came today, when I read this transcript of a recent speech made by Rowan Atkinson and wondered in a fit of obvious idiocy why on earth the Archbishop of Canterbury was making a speech opposing the religious hatred bill.

Mustaf-Haha

Tired out from all the Chinese New Year socializing we’d had to do, Alec and I decided to spend Monday just relaxing together. In hindsight, going to Little India and Mustafa Centre on a public holiday was probably not the best way to achieve relaxation and tranquility, but we had a great time.

Alec was happy because he managed to score enough cheap razor blades to last him longer than his testosterone’s actual lifespan. I was happy because I got some Nando’s sauce for $2.90, and pictures of the following wonderful products:


iBod?

At first glance you might think this box contains beauty supplies of some sort – stockings, tacky makeup or the like.

But you’d be wrong.

 


Not quite Granny Smiths.

I like the subtle dig at Maybelline in this next product’s packaging. Plus, of course, the total WTFOMGness of the text.


Are you colognesome tonight?

(Previous Mustafa product joy captured here.)

You’ll Laugh! You’ll Cry! You’ll Hurl!

On Saturday afternoon, we headed to the Polo Club to watch the Hurling All Stars Challenge. As you of course know, hurling is…er…um…an Irish sport I have no hope in hell of explaining properly to you. See here for description.

Here are two hurling-related exchanges.

#1 (On the way to the match.)
Me: Traffic is bad, it looks like we might be late.
Alec: Oh, it’s all right. Each half will be 40 minutes long.
Me: But by the time we show up, it might be hurlf time!
Alec: ……

#2 (Shouted conversation in Zouk later that night.)
Me: Pity you couldn’t join us for the hurling.
Jacob: Yeah, pity. It’s got some nostalgic appeal for me.
Me: Oh, why?
Jacob: When I was at boarding school, at end of term there would be this traditional ________ [insert name of Scottish equivalent of hurling, I didn’t catch it] match, and it was between the normal pupils and the prefects.
Me: I WAS A PREFECT YOU ASSHOLE WHAT DID YOU DO???!!
Jacob: Well, my “favourite” prefect lost a tooth.

Tiefschwarz (Zouk, 21 Jan 2006)

I must club to house music more often, it’s so refreshingly undemanding. Instead of staggering out after DJ Marky at 4 AM with jelly legs and money disintegrating in my trouser pocket because my entire body was so saturated with sweat, I skipped out after Tiefschwarz at 6 AM, barely sweaty and feeling fabulous. This is why I’m always inwardly amused by (some) Zoukers who talk about being the last people on the dancefloor with a certain self-satisfied air. Grow up, guys. It’s easy peasy.

This magisterial entry at Skykicking goes a long way towards explaining why I like Tiefschwarz as DJs to club to – their “essential crudity”. My preferences in live music, be it clubbing or gigs, always favour extremes of noise, abrasiveness, bombast and weirdness. Subtlety and moderation is for my headphones, and the quiet of my room.

So, hooray! I actually managed to have a good night at Zouk! I don’t have much of an opinion about the recent refurbishment. It still looks as insipid to me now as it did before (inward amusement point #2: when people say they preferred the old Zouk because it was “more gritty”; it’s not that I love clubbing in shitholes but “gritty” is just not a word I’d ever use to describe Zouk), but I must say the new sound system is excellent.

And since Kelly very kindly signed me in (thanks Kelly! And thanks Dom, for Alec!), I didn’t have to undergo the indignity of being age-checked (which never happens to me anywhere else, including cities like London where the average 16 year old does actually look much older than me) or risk the drink coupon debacle that pissed me off so much previously. An added plus was the fact that the club was apparently emptier than usual. It’s pretty typical that the only DJs I’ve wanted to see at Zouk in, say, the last 6 months, are the ones that didn’t draw a big crowd in Singapore. But hey, I’m not complaining. More space for my flailing!

Quadromemia

I’m not generally into memes unless they’re about music but Little Miss Drinkalot tagged me, and at the moment answering the meme seems a lot easier than writing about King Kong, the Chronicles of Narnia (the movie plus, well, my entire childhood), the Lunarin gig we attended a couple of weeks ago, the Mormon who evangelized to us on the way there, the emergency surgery my family’s second cat (not Casey, we have a newish outdoors one I never got round to writing about here) had to undergo this evening, or Truman Capote’s The Grass Harp which is kicking my ass with its wonderfulness.

I avoid memes because they too easily become subterfuge for lack of content, but hey, today I’m using this meme to compensate for an excess of content! Which makes it okay! (Well not really, but I needed some token introductory paragraphs. Onwards.)

4 jobs you’ve had in your life

  • Relief teacher (In my old school, Katong Convent. Loved it.)
  • Tuition teacher (To one of my students there who needed a little extra help. Loved it.)
  • Recording for an automated phone voice message system ($100 per hour! Pity it only took 2.)
  • Lawyer (As part of my scholarship bond. It’s fine so far.)

4 movies you could watch over and over

  • Coming To America (Sexual Chocolate – best band name ever)
  • This Is Spinal Tap (“They were still booing him when we came on stage.”)
  • Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (“You are HAIRY! Like ANIMAL!”)
  • The English Patient (Gorgeous book, film, lead actor.)

[Very different answers would have been given if this had asked for my 4 favourite movies. I only tend to do multiple viewings of movies that make me laugh or make me horny, but I still love many films that do neither.]

4 TV shows you love(d) to watch

  • The X-Files
  • ‘Allo ‘Allo
  • ________ Idol
  • America’s Next Top Model, baybee!

4 places you’ve lived

  • Bedok, Singapore (5 years)
  • Fitzrovia, London (1 year)
  • Bloomsbury, London (3 years)
  • Katong, Singapore (16 years and counting)

4 places you’ve been on vacation to

  • Istanbul (among other places in amazing, amazing Turkey)
  • Dubrovnik (totally worth every bit of energy and expense it took to get there)
  • Berlin (apart from London, the most fascinating city I’ve been to)
  • Krakow (you think you’ve heard it all before about Auschwitz, but you go there and realize that was all just…words)

4 places you would rather be

  • London
  • London
  • London
  • For variety’s sake, Berlin. But it’s really London.

4 of your favourite foods

  • Salmon sashimi
  • The McSpicy burger!
  • Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia
  • Garlic, any time any place any way

4 websites you visit daily

4 tagged

[Don’t worry, I totally won’t be offended if you don’t do memes and don’t want to do this. But it’s just that I’d be interested in your answers. :) ]

Things You Can Get In Joo Chiat

In a red light district in some other country I’d know this pun was totally intentional, but in Singapore’s Joo Chiat I’m not too sure.

I snapped this last week while waiting for my food in Tasty Penang, a restaurant across the road which had such laughably incompetent service (but to be fair, pretty damn good Penang char kuay teow and I don’t even like char kuay teow usually) that all the customers in the restaurant bonded through their shared frustration. In somewhere like Singapore where almost no one makes conversation with strangers, it was an amusing change to see people winking and laughing with the people at other tables as they asked, for the umpteenth time, where their laksa was.

We were back in the same area a few nights ago for sweet potato leaves and steamed fish with sng buey sauce at Lau Hock Guan Kee Bak Kut Teh. We’ll be going back soon for its assam fish head curry, rated “die die must try” by Makansutra.

Man, I love Joo Chiat.

2006 Just Started And We’re Already Below Par

Some people begin a new year by making resolutions, beginning diets, planning exercise regimes, or at the very least directing their energies to something vaguely useful.

We played minigolf.

Those of you familiar with my penchant for dumb kitsch will have no difficulties understanding why LilliPutt – “Funtastic Singapore in 18 Holes” held so much joyful potential for me.

Indeed, one need not even extend one’s imagination far beyond this blog’s last kitschfest to see why. My friends, I present to you: “uniquely Singapore” minigolf!


Shifu is watching…

Alec’s golf pro is a pretty intense guy, but he’s really devoted to coaching from the ground up.

 


Fore2 jiao4

My coach was nice and chilled though. Very Zen. I realize I’m breaking 2 terrible taboos here, standing with my head higher than the Buddha and my feet pointing towards him, but I couldn’t make the shot any other way! (Note to non-Mandarin speakers: the caption to the photo contains a pun so ghastly you’ll be glad you don’t get it.)

 


Fear my pink dimpled wrath!

This poor demon got a little short-changed when fearsome demonic powers were being handed out.

 


Fear my fucking flat-cap!

This guy has a bit of a demented Marcel Marceau vibe going on, and is final conclusive proof that flat-caps are pure evil in origin.

 

The other 17 holes featured an endearing mishmash of Singaporeana. Tiny mechanized trishaws, MRT trains and cable cars transporting your golf ball between the stages of a hole. Miniature versions of the Esplanade, Merlion, Suntec fountain, Boat Quay, Botanic Gardens gazebo, and in a slightly obvious attempt at self-glorification, the Big Splash building which houses Lilliputt.

But not everything was devoted to tourist attractions of Singapore! Some holes were devoted to venues which cater to ordinary Singaporeans and common pastimes.


Here oso got Crazy Horse¹leh.

For example, the Turf Club.

 


Some day we’ll win a SEA games medal…

And, uh, the ski resort. Hmmm.

 

Oh, I nearly forgot. There was, of course, some competitive element in this whole exercise, as our blissful relationship of mutual respect and passionate devotion is not entirely devoid of bitter rivalry and petulant oneupmanship. If I were to say it didn’t matter at all to me who won or lost, as long as we had fun, I’d be lying.


Na beh.²

Counting Blessings

Just because, here are 5 highlights of my 2005:

  • Alec moving to Singapore, after one and a half years of us living on different continents.
  • Having an awesome birthday. For once, lots of people actually remembered, and I attended one of the best gigs of my life.
  • My best friend Russ visiting me in Singapore. Every moment of our time together was great but one thing that made me especially happy was dancing to the Scratch Perverts at Zouk together – they were the DJs we saw the first time we went clubbing together, on our first visit to a very newly-opened Fabric, having just met each other in the first week of our first year of university. Six years later, so much had changed for us but the important things hadn’t.
  • Not having cancer really rocked, and the outpouring of concern I received from strangers and friends alike touched me deeply.
  • An amazing holiday to London, Norway and Germany, which had the perfect balance between time with dear friends in beloved places and adventures alone in the new and fascinating. The travel journal entries are still a work in progress but rereading them fills me with joy.

Other cool things happened to me too, but these stand out. I hope all of you had a good year too, and wish you health, happiness, joy and love in the next. :)