2006 Just Started And We’re Already Below Par

Some people begin a new year by making resolutions, beginning diets, planning exercise regimes, or at the very least directing their energies to something vaguely useful.

We played minigolf.

Those of you familiar with my penchant for dumb kitsch will have no difficulties understanding why LilliPutt – “Funtastic Singapore in 18 Holes” held so much joyful potential for me.

Indeed, one need not even extend one’s imagination far beyond this blog’s last kitschfest to see why. My friends, I present to you: “uniquely Singapore” minigolf!

Shifu is watching…

Alec’s golf pro is a pretty intense guy, but he’s really devoted to coaching from the ground up.


Fore2 jiao4

My coach was nice and chilled though. Very Zen. I realize I’m breaking 2 terrible taboos here, standing with my head higher than the Buddha and my feet pointing towards him, but I couldn’t make the shot any other way! (Note to non-Mandarin speakers: the caption to the photo contains a pun so ghastly you’ll be glad you don’t get it.)


Fear my pink dimpled wrath!

This poor demon got a little short-changed when fearsome demonic powers were being handed out.


Fear my fucking flat-cap!

This guy has a bit of a demented Marcel Marceau vibe going on, and is final conclusive proof that flat-caps are pure evil in origin.


The other 17 holes featured an endearing mishmash of Singaporeana. Tiny mechanized trishaws, MRT trains and cable cars transporting your golf ball between the stages of a hole. Miniature versions of the Esplanade, Merlion, Suntec fountain, Boat Quay, Botanic Gardens gazebo, and in a slightly obvious attempt at self-glorification, the Big Splash building which houses Lilliputt.

But not everything was devoted to tourist attractions of Singapore! Some holes were devoted to venues which cater to ordinary Singaporeans and common pastimes.

Here oso got Crazy Horse¹leh.

For example, the Turf Club.


Some day we’ll win a SEA games medal…

And, uh, the ski resort. Hmmm.


Oh, I nearly forgot. There was, of course, some competitive element in this whole exercise, as our blissful relationship of mutual respect and passionate devotion is not entirely devoid of bitter rivalry and petulant oneupmanship. If I were to say it didn’t matter at all to me who won or lost, as long as we had fun, I’d be lying.

Na beh.²


  1. haha. I wish I had known! I would have gone and played at least one game over Christmas break or something! Now i have to wait a whole damm year. boo.

  2. Oops, no, Daryl! Sorry if that was misleading – the minigolf place is called Lilliputt and is at Big Splash in the East Coast, but one of its 18 holes takes Haw Par Villa as its theme.

    I feel terrible now to have raised your hopes so wonderfully high (for actual Haw Par Villa minigolf would indeed be wonderful!) and then dashed them!

  3. The worst minigolf known to Mankind exists on Sentosa Island. Tim and I have now played on two of their “international standard” courses and they are both intolerably bad. One consists of holes which are for the most part nothing more than green patches in the ground with holes in them at some point. Nowhere is it indicated where one is to tee off, for instance, and in the handful of holes that contains ‘obstacles’ these take the form of large rocks or small pools of gravel rather randomly plonked in the middle of them. The other course involved RUBBER BALLS for which you get charged $30 if you lose them. I’m aware none of my sentences are grammatical but I am going to bed now and could not resist the opportunity to rant. Happy New Year!

  4. That’s a pimp mini-golf course. I had a game with Dad in South Africa last year. It was incredibly hot (well for me 40 degrees is very hot) and we were getting burnt to a crisp so we had to cut it short.

  5. This is the mini-golf course at East Coast, yes? I used to want to go there. Then I had a company event there. And given that everyone in my company (except me, as I despise golf) plays golf, even mini golf reminds me of work now. *sigh*

  6. Where I come from we call this game CRAZZEEEEE golf. Check out this picture of the actual course where I honed my skills.

    (Start course in bottom left hand corner of the picture and move clockwise)

    Hole 1: You have to hit the ball around a corner. It’s mad I tell you!

    Hole 2: Ok, after all that madness we’re turning it down a notch. Straight to the hole champ. On your way, pause a moment to admire the pile of mud and rocks to your left. That’s a tribute to Ireland’s majestic limestone karst ecosystem : the Burren.

    Hole 3: Partially out of view. Also out of view is nearby Lonergan’s Bar. This is a straightforward par three, though I did once shoot a triple bogey due to the presence of a sleeping drunk in the middle of the concrete fairway. That’s an example of why this is Ireland’s premier CRAZZEEEEE golf course. You never know what to expect.

    Hole 4. There are two elements to this testing hole. You have to hit the ball up an incline – tricky, tricky. But you also have to aim it into a miniature cow shed. My father used to imitate the sound of a cow lowing at this point.

    Hole 5: Ok, so you’ve hit the ball straight, up an incline, around a corner. But this is CRAZZEEEEE golf. Now it’s time to go…… around the bend. And to make the experience even madder it’s a bright orange bend. The poor guy in the photo is hanging on to his sanity by a thread.

    Hole 6-9. After all that excitement, these next few holes are a bit of a let down. But it’s probably just as well considering how close they skirt to that busy road.

    Hole 10. The second last hole in the center right area. The design is inspired by the Scaletrix racing car circuits that were popular with children of my generation. Once, after a particularly good lay up, a dog walked up, sniffed at my ball and then proceeded to piss upon it. But he did move it closer to the hole so I didn’t mind too much.

    Hole 11. To reach to hole you need to direct the ball over a series of undulating hills. Usually I’d drop a couple of shots here because the ball would come to rest in one of the valleys. The last time I played here, I decided to be daring and hit the ball really hard. That way, I’d ramp off the first incline and avoid that whole troublesome midsection. Unbeknownst to me, a very young child had momentarily evaded its mother and waddled up behind me to see what I was doing. I lined up my aim, took a good long back swing and gave the poor lad the first wedgy of childhood. Screaming ensued and I judged it best to exit hastily by the bottom right exit without asking for a return of deposit on my ball.

  7. Jesus, haven’t played that course since I was 7 or 8. Didn’t occur to me it would still be there.

    Yup, Singnapore’s course has a minature Buddha but we’ve got a minature cow shed. It was fool hardy of them to think they could ever compete.

    I’ve always loved funfair artwork. It’s always so kitch 80’s. I can almost smell the candyfloss and the Chavs when I see this picture.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *