Shits And Giggles

Apologies in advance – there might be rather more wedding-related content here than you’d prefer between now and September, since the preparation will be taking up a fair amount of my time these last 6 weeks. I will, however, try to keep vapid gushing about people Sharing Our Joy! to a minimum, and instead, focus on anecdotes like these:

#1: My cousin has four adorable sons, three of whom will be participating in stealing the show at our wedding mass. My mum called my cousin’s wife to discuss the boys’ outfits and emailed me an update, according to which our ring-bearers will be wearing “long pants and shits and waist coats”.

#2: While waiting for the bus home, I started a reply to a friend’s RSVP text message, intending to inform him that “Yish is considering wearing a sari to the wedding.” As my bus was arriving, I continued texting without looking at the screen as I walked towards it and boarded. Once on, I took my seat, glanced at the screen in preparation to send, realized the predictive text system had inserted “rash” instead of “sari” and was beset by immediate giggles which continued bubbling up intermittently and embarrassingly throughout the long journey.

My Baby Just Cares For Me

Alec, happy with his new phone, informs me that he went looking for some songs to use as ringtones for various people. Excited to find out what mine is, I take out my phone and dial him. “You’re poison, running through my veins,” blares out.

Truly, my future husband is a man capable of profound, heartfelt expressions of love.

My Deer Fiance

We’re trying to choose a videographer for the wedding at the moment, and part of this exercise involves watching a bunch of online samples almost universally soundtracked with From This Moment On. I do actually kinda love that song, but it’s not really us. A conversation on the subject:

Me: How about something by the Pixies, we both like that band.
Alec: [big happy face]
Me: I know what you’re thinking and NO WE CAN’T USE CARIBOU! The song has to be at least vaguely relevant to the topic of love!
Alec: We could change the chorus to “Marry you”.
Me: ……
Alec, singing: MARRY YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU…

Enrapetured

After looking through one or two local bridal magazines and seeing way too many floofy poofy wedding gowns which would swallow me whole, I decided to have a look round online and soon found some tempting options. For example, “beaded embroidery trims the sweetheart strapless neckline and cascades onto the asymmetrically raped bodice of this slim fitting gown”. How lovely. I am sure all my guests will be raped with admiration.

At The Lighthouse: Pre-Postscript

To everyone who’s left comments, written emails, called on the phone, or spoken to us in person, thank you so much for your enthusiasm and good wishes. We’re really overwhelmed by the response and are grateful for any suppressions of “About bloody time!” that some of you might have bitten back. You are all classy, classy people!

A postscript to the proposal entry will be up some time in the next few days, to share some amusing glitches that occurred in the planning (sometimes due to me being a difficult nagging bitch) and to thank a dear friend of mine who was an amazing help to Alec through all of it. But because I wasn’t privy to the weeks of planning and need to get details from Alec, who’s intrepidly studying for his professional exam on Monday, it’s taking a little time to get written.

In the meantime, thank you all again for your kind words and rest assured that I have slapped patted Alec heartily on the back for every one of you who asked me to do so. And for those who are asking about dates and places, unfortunately the sum total of our decision-making so far is as follows:

Michelle: So, how do we organize wedding celebrations across three cities in two continents which are fun, meaningful and affordable for everyone attending, while keeping the romance of the occasion alive for us but not grossing everyone else out with schmoopiness?
Alec: Donno.
Michelle: Hmm…
Alec: Hmm…
Michelle and Alec: WAAAAUUUUURRRGGGGHHH!

At The Lighthouse

Last Friday night, Alec informed me that he would be picking me up at 8.30 am the next morning, and taking me away for the weekend. I wasn’t allowed to know where, and didn’t need to bring anything special, not even a passport. And I didn’t have to tell my parents anything – he’d already told them more than he was telling me.

The next morning, he was at my front door at 8.30 sharp, with a yellow rose. The waiting cab took the expressway towards the city, but bypassed it totally. We were on Clementi Road going past the university, and I was perplexed. We were far away from any hotels worth going to, but we weren’t leaving the country. WTF?

We finally pulled up at West Coast Pier and Alec hauled a big styrofoam icebox out of the boot along with our bags. As far as I could see, I was the only female in a bunch of middle-aged men with fishing tackle. This was not quite Casablanca.

We cleared immigration, which required nothing more than ICs, and waited at the pier. When a boat arrived for us with the PSA logo, I finally realized where we were going. Sultan Shoals is a tiny island off the west coast of Singapore. It’s got a beautiful old colonial lighthouse, 2 chalets, 2 fishing jetties, and nothing else. I’d mentioned it to Alec a long time ago, in the context of maybe organizing something with some of our friends, but nothing had come of it. Now I found that we’d have this whole island to ourselves for the weekend.

Alec asked if I’d mind waiting outside the chalet for a little while. He wanted to do some things inside. He’d got me a book to read while waiting: Truman Capote’s decidedly unromantic In Cold Blood. If anyone else had done this, I might have dived into the open seas and swum back to the mainland screaming; however, Alec happened to know that I’d been wanting to read this book for ages, but hadn’t been able to get my hands on it in the library. I opened it to start reading, and found this inscription:

Inside the chalet, Alec had put flowers and candles everywhere, brought laboriously from the mainland the previous day.

In the icebox, he’d brought lots of my favourite food and drink – salmon sashimi, steak, Coke, Hoegaarden, a baby coconut. Hash browns and eggs so he could cook us the weekend breakfast fry-ups we’d loved so much at my corner caff in London. My favourite childhood snack, Bee-Bee, for me to eat while watching DVDs (which he’d also brought).

We settled down for a sashimi lunch (to continue the random serial killer allusions, I put Calla’s Strangler on the stereo) and an afternoon of lounging, reading (for me), studying (for Alec, who has professional exams in two weeks’ time), napping and strolling round the island. This is us in front of the lovely lighthouse. (Note: Photos linked instead of displayed in this entry have our faces in them and are viewable only by my Flickr friends. If you know us in real life and want to see these, just add me as a friend so I can authorise you.)

You’re probably supposed to have fancy cuisine and wine at dinners like this, but we like steak and beer. Also, it just feels right to sear a steak while growling along to Nick Cave on the sound system.

After dinner, we watched Before Sunset, which I was happy to find was still as wonderful as the first time I saw it.

While the credits rolled, Alec excused himself and went into the bedroom. He came out several minutes later in a tuxedo, and asked me if I’d like a walk round the island. In front of the lighthouse, he knelt down and asked me to marry him. Of course, I said yes.

* * * * *

And so we prepare to move from almost 5 years of easy, constant bliss, into the rest of our lives. I’m not generally an envious person, but there have been various times during my 26 years when I’ve observed the good fortune of other people, be it in physical appearance, capability, resources, or just dumb luck, and wished I could equal them. Within a few months of going out with Alec, I knew that where love was concerned, I would never envy anyone else.

Nuggets Of Love

During some mid-workday emailing, Alec and I are discussing some friends of ours who are migrating to New Zealand and opening a restaurant. We both agree it’s a damn cool thing to do, but Alec mentions that it’s a risky move without prior experience in the restaurant industry.

He continues:

“But then I’m very unromantic about business. I quite like the idea of starting my own business but I’d focus on low cost, high turnover food where start up costs are lower and potential profits are far higher. When I’m manager of McDonald’s Pasir Ris I’ll bring you back french fries every night. I’ll fill a bath tub with their mother fucking chilli sauce.”

Unromantic my foot. Now I’m all choked up.

Four Years

After two lonely November 6ths in different continents, Alec and I finally managed to celebrate our fourth anniversary together two Sundays ago without the aid of undersea fibre-optic cables. This rocked.

My posts here about Alec have become popular among many of you regular readers because they generally describe the latest self-mortification, idiocy or utter weirdness that this man has managed to involve himself in. But just for once, I’d like to say something about my boyfriend which doesn’t involve ritual degradation. Indulge me for a moment.

Four months after we started going out, Alec chose Valentine’s Day to tell me that he would move to Singapore for me when I returned to serve my bond. I was a little taken aback – he had never been to Singapore, and it was theoretically possible that I might turn out to be an unfanciable psycho bitch in time to come. How on earth could he be sure I was worth it, after just four months? But that’s a weird thing about this man – he might dither for ages about where to go for dinner, but for things that matter he is always decisive.

For various reasons, he couldn’t follow me right away. For one and a half years we sustained our relationship through daily phone calls and occasional wonderful holidays. Many other couples have gone through worse, but many have also been unable to last through less. I’m proud that we got through it so well.

He moved here in January, and started looking for work. He treated job searching like a job in itself, spending the work week elbow-deep in CVs, cover letters and the Saturday classifieds. He hung out with my mum. He volunteered at Riding For The Disabled. And in typical fashion, despite a lot of disappointment and frustration which I can’t even begin to describe here, he hardly ever whined.

Finally, his efforts in building up contacts from scratch paid off, and he now has a good job. He so fucking deserves it.

He’s adapted well to Singapore. He eats hawker food with as much gusto (and chilli) as any Singaporean. He detests the sort of expats who stick only to their own kind, and takes a dim view of those who make no effort to bridge cultural gaps. Perhaps this is why Singaporeans have been so universally nice to him.

He gets on incredibly well with my family, and they with him. He regularly cooks everyone multi-course Western and Asian dinners. When my mother had chicken pox recently, he seriously considered taking (unpaid) leave to help look after her until she insisted it wasn’t necessary.

I could go on, about his popularity with my friends, about how even after four years a chance five-minute meeting with him on the number 14 bus in the morning is enough to make my whole day, but I’m trying to keep an eye on the mush quotient of this post.

Stating that it takes effort to build a solid, happy relationship sounds like a useless truism, and I’ve certainly spouted it enough times when trying to help my friends through relationship problems. But I have a confession to make – I’ve never personally identified with it, even though I know it makes sense in theory.

Because I look back on four years with this man, this thoughtful, trustworthy, hilarious, romantic, utterly endearing man who through some miracle chooses to be with me, and the effort eludes me. It’s kind of like this photograph below, which I took on our anniversary. It required very little effort or artistic skill to capture, merely the ability to recognize something beautiful.

Sunset on a kelong in Bintan, Indonesia

The Tyranny Of Distance

So Alec arrived on Friday, and this is how we spent the weekend.

Friday: Dinner and drinks at the beach (Peperoni, then Beach Hut).

Saturday: Hainanese chicken rice for lunch, siesta, meandering frivolously through Far East Plaza, quick dinner in the fabulous Plaza Singapura food court before watching The Sea Inside.

Sunday: Wakeboarding (attempts) at Punggol, curry lunch at the Banana Leaf place on Ceylon Road, siesta, Mass, Eurasian dinner at Casa Bom Vento, Tiger Cup support (YAY!) over beer/stout/pork scratchings.

Perhaps you wonder – after a year and a half of long distance, they’re finally reunited for the foreseeable future, and that’s how they spend their first weekend together again? Sounds pretty much like how any couple in Singapore would spend any weekend, doesn’t it? Where be the lavish celebrations?

The thing is, the best thing about this weekend was precisely its total normality. The most unnatural thing about long distance relationships – where time differences, telecommunications costs, and fleeting holidays rigidly define your time together – is how difficult it can become sometimes to just enjoy the moment without feeling the pressure to make the most of it.

Normal couples enjoy luxuries, perhaps without even realizing it, that we haven’t really had for one and a half years. Wasting an afternoon away napping. Good night kisses. Being able to do things which are totally devoid of local cultural merit, instead of feeling guilty that Alec’s spending holiday time in the exotic Orient watching a European arthouse film in an air-conditioned mall cinema. Making whatever stupid remark we think of at the time we think of it rather than having to try and remember it for later. After a while of this I’m sure we’ll start missing our trendy London Shoreditch twatness again, but for now we’re just happy being heartlanders together in Katong. (Don’t worry, I won’t lose my edge. To prove it the title of this post is yet another indiegeeky music reference.)

And going back to stupid remarks, here are Alec and Michelle Reunited’s hard-hitting views on the profound issues encountered in our first weekend back together.

On Modesty
Me: I’m a bit doubtful about this bikini, what if it shifts when I fall in and I don’t realize it’s given way?
Alec: You’ll realize pretty soon.

On Acronyms
(Alec is considering volunteering at Riding For The Disabled)
Alec: What’s the web address again? RCA dot com dot sg?
Me: Um, I think that would be RDA. Given that it is called Riding for the Disabled and not Riding for the Cisabled.

On Fiscal Discipline
Me: Okay, so apart from wakeboarding tomorrow and swing camp in February, we’ll have a frugal lifestyle with no other extravagances. Right?
Alec: Except if something really good comes up.
Me: Exactly.