And You Will Know Us By Our Nametags

Some of my favourite responses so far from the ILM thread Make A Band Name More Reasonable:

  • Slayer (But Only When Negotiation Has Ceased To Be A Tenable Option)
  • Aboveaveragedeth
  • !!
  • Death Cab For Anyone Who Needs A Ride
  • Strained Relationships Scene
  • A The
  • Carter The Hesitant Kissing Gadget
  • Jane’s Character Flaw
  • Optionalic
  • LCD Couple Of Guys With Some Music Equipment
  • …And You Will Know Us By Our Nametags
  • Warm Warm Warmth
  • The Current Sound Of Basingstoke
  • Groove Flotilla
  • Queensbundestag
  • The New Eroticists

My contributions to the thread:

  • Soundmanslaughterer
  • Meanwhile Back In A Russia That, In Marxist Political Theory, Would Be More Accurately Described As Socialist
  • DJ Penumbra

A Very Long Engagement

In the first shot of this film, the camera moves slowly down a cross. The hand nailed to it is not connected to a body but ends abruptly in a severed arm, dangling and swaying in the wind. A grotesque wartime atrocity? No – it’s the remains of a bombed chapel which is now in the no-man’s-land between trenches. The woman weeping at the bottom of the cross only exists from the waist down. It’s a powerful opening, and although you don’t know it at the time, it prefigures much of what will happen in the film. The disfigurement of a hand. The suggestion of violent death, but the absence of a corpse. The hope for a resurrection.
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Bad Education

I thoroughly enjoyed this. It had much hotness – Gael Garcia Bernal smouldering in drag, Fele Martinez’s auteur-with-eyeliner aura, and all the priests in their fitting black surplices! – and it spun a great yarn. Any attempt to summarise the hows and whys of this by anyone who isn’t Almodovar will probably make the movie out to be little better than Wild Things with foreign film cred, so I won’t try. Although I suppose it may annoy people who prefer their disbelief unsuspended, I think its surprises are artful and well-orchestrated, and don’t cross that “Oh, COME ON!” line in the sands of credibility.

Kinsey

I seem to have enjoyed this film less than many other people have. Set-pieces depicting the dogmatic preacher father, sex-researcher garden parties where they all talked about sex, and the closeminded colleague determined to hinder Kinsey felt very contrived. I also found the graphic montages of maps and faces they used to evoke the researchers’ interviews conducted across America rather pedestrian, though if they were (for some reason I am unaware of) trying to recreate the feel of a 70s documentary then I guess they succeeded.

Nevertheless, it was a good film in other respects – I thought Laura Linney was great, there was one seriously laugh-out-loud moment (I won’t spoil it for you, you’ll know it when it comes), and while it gave due recognition to the importance of Kinsey’s work, it also didn’t shy away from acknowledging that untrammelled sexual liberation can sometimes really fuck things up.

Shall We Not Review Shall We Dance?

(An entry I half-wrote a while back and have now completed.)

I like to think that I possess enough maturity, intellect and aesthetic sensibilities to appreciate films that other people find challenging. I’m able to sit through films with slow-moving or even barely-existent plots, I’m not put off by films with content that may offend or anger, and I’m usually ready to let good acting from just one member of the cast save an otherwise unredeemable film experience.

But even by these standards, Shall We Dance was a real struggle.

I’m not actually going to talk about Shall We Dance, though; unlike other movies which have failed to impress me, it’s too forgettable even to bother excoriating. It’s just that Pei Ee and I had a long tradition of watching dance movies together to maintain, and we wanted to ogle Richard Gere. I just hope Alec will some day find it in himself to forgive Pei Ee’s husband for suggesting that we make it into a couples outing.

But anyway, the following entries will be scattered notes (not reviews per se, those require actual focus and knowledge) on some slightly better films I’ve watched in the last month or so, mostly just so I can remember I’ve watched them.

Ugliest T-Shirt In The Free World

Shao’s comment to the last chicken pox post amused me because of the T-shirt I’m wearing at the moment in yet another attempt at chicken-related humour. I’ve tried to find a picture on the Web but it’s so hideous that I guess no one sells it any more. Therefore, for posterity’s sake I suddenly feel the need to capture its fugliness here.

Ugly tee front
Front fug
Ugly tee back
Back fug

No, I don’t know what I was thinking either. It was one of my first dates with Alec, so I pretty much started our romantic life by horrifying him with my sense of style. All I can say in my defence is that we’d shared a bottle of wine for dinner and had had to drink it fairly quickly because the gig was starting soon. So, in a rush and high on the heady mix of alcohol and crush hormones, I made my biggest (I’ve made other mistakes, but at least they didn’t involve paying £15 for a butt-ugly T-shirt) fashion faux pas ever.

I challenge any of you to beat that.

Amen, Double-Up A! Men!

If laughter really is the best medicine, I’ll be poxless tomorrow. Baby Got Back goes Christian in this hilarious music video, Baby Got Book.

All together now: Ladies! (yeah!) Ladies! (yeah!) Do you wanna save people from Hades?

Like A Poussin With Its Head Cut Off

Okay, so after a couple of conflicting medical opinions, it now appears I probably do have chicken pox, although the antivirals I’ve been taking have rendered it incredibly wimpy – poussin pox, if you will. It looks like I’ll have to miss work till the end of this week so that other people in my office don’t end up doing the chicken dance too, but I really can’t see these wimpy pox surviving the weekend. Alec is still considered infectious because of a lousy two (TWO?!) spots which haven’t scabbed over yet, but I hope I’ll be able to see him quite soon. My mum continues to show no signs of infection but she’s not out of the woods yet.

So apart from occasionally channelling Lady Macbeth and whiling away the afternoons with a warm sleepy cat on my belly, I have no other real agenda for the coming week apart from deciding how I want to celebrate my birthday the week after.

Very pleasantly, my problem right now is choosing between an excess of options. The day itself is sorted because of the Tortoise gig at night. Surprisingly, even Zouk has a half-interesting lineup for that weekend, with Chicks On Speed on Friday and Grandmaster Flash on Saturday. And lastly, Tiramisu and Astreal (my new favourite local band, sorry Observatory, I’ll still support you but walls of crashing sound with ethereal vocals by a hot girl playing an oversized turquoise guitar straight out of the Jetsons kinda push my buttons a bit more) will be playing at the first RNDM night at Mox, also on Saturday.

With so much to do, I’m reconsidering my original idea of just throwing a house party, simply because I don’t see how I can fit one in.

Review + Excerpts: Vernon God Little (DBC Pierre)

Vernon God Little isn’t a bad read at all, but I’d personally classify it as a borrow-don’t-buy. I was extremely impressed by it, but as someone who reads purely for leisure (okay, and perhaps an occasional intellectual brownie point), I haven’t the faintest desire to ever read it again. It would probably make a fairly good movie, but only if Tarantino directs.

DBC Pierre’s prose is stingingly funny, but the plot is ultimately frustrating for the rational reader, which makes the suspense in the ending fall flat. The entire story is dependent on accepting that the protagonist, who sees the world through glasses so bitingly perceptive that they would best be described as gunmetal-tinted, is more inept at proving his innocence (of a schoolyard mass-murder) than an eight-year-old child would be. At times I was reminded of my exasperation while watching The Blair Witch Project, after which I seem to remember proclaiming “People that fucking stupid really just deserve to die!” a little too loud on the streets of London.

However, if you’re going on holiday, or are sick in bed and need something rollicking(ish) and entertaining(ish) and which pokes merciless fun at fat small-town Americans, you could do much worse than Vernon God Little. Here are two vulgar passages from it to help you decide. If you don’t like them, don’t read the book.

* * *

“Man, remember the Great Thinker we heard about in class last week?” he asks.

“The one that sounded like ‘Manual Cunt’?”

“Yeah, who said nothing really happens unless you see it happen.”

“All I remember is asking Naylor if he ever heard of a Manual Cunt, and him going, ‘I only drive automatics’.”

* * *

“You never heard of the paradigm shift? Example: you see a man with his hand up your granny’s ass. What do you think?”

“Bastard.”

“Right. Then you learn a deadly bug crawled up there, and the man has in fact put aside his disgust to save Granny. What do you think now?”

“Hero.” You can tell he ain’t met my nana.

“There you go, a paradigm shift. The action doesn’t change – the information you use to judge it does. You were ready to crucify the guy because you didn’t have the facts. Now you want to shake his hand.”

“I don’t think so.”

“I meant figuratively, asshole.”