Hatty Birthday To Me

I used to have a big green leprechaun hat in London, a gift from Brian and Esther when a visit of theirs coincided with my birthday one year. Unfortunately, when I was leaving London and drastically pruning my possessions before shipping them back to Singapore, I ended up having to leave the hat behind. Alec promised to donate it to a needy leprechaun, but you know you can never trust these wily Irish and their meaningless promises.

But once I’d been in Singapore a while, I started to really miss my hat. I could have replaced it with one of those Guinness hats the Irish pubs give out for St Patrick’s Day, but I’m usually too busy celebrating MY DAY MINE MINE ME ME ME to be in the pub letting some snake-wrangling saint dude steal my thunder.

So when Alec asked what I’d like for my birthday, I jokingly said I wanted a Guinness hat. I was too lazy this year to throw a sequel to my 2006 Craic Whores birthday party, but someday I will, and I’ll need a good hat.

So there I was a week ago, the night of my birthday, on the way to meet Alec for a nice dinner at Senso. Alec had messaged that he was already at Maxwell hawker centre, where we’d meet and walk to Senso together. I got off the bus and walked towards the big traffic junction to cross over to Maxwell, phoning Alec to say I’d arrived. He didn’t pick up. I shrugged and figured I’d just walk into Maxwell and probably find him somewhere among the uncles nursing a beer.

I reached the junction, pressed the button to cross, and waited impatiently for a few seconds. Then I saw a man diagonally across the junction, standing very straight and tall and still, getting anything from furtive giggles to outright laughs from the locals standing around him, almost like they thought he was one of those human statues and they were trying to figure out what would happen if they tossed him 50 cents. Standing there, looking straight at me from across the junction. Wearing a Guinness hat.

[BTW, this is not the “simultaneously best and worst present ever” I mentioned earlier. Still working on an entry about that one, photos are crucial and I might even try a video.]

Ch…ch…chaaaaange

Birthday update and pics of the simultaneously best and worst present ever are forthcoming. But in the meantime, I rather enjoyed this at the Onion and wanted to share. Excerpt:

Black Guy Asks Nation For Change:

According to witnesses, a loud black man approached a crowd of some 4,000 strangers in downtown Chicago Tuesday and made repeated demands for change.

“The time for change is now,” said the black guy, yelling at everyone within earshot for 20 straight minutes, practically begging America for change. “The need for change is stronger and more urgent than ever before. And only you – the people standing here today, and indeed all the people of this great nation – only you can deliver this change.”

The black guy is oddly comfortable demanding change from people he’s never even met. It is estimated that, to date, the black man has asked every single person in the United States for change.

There’s also Do We Really Want Another Black President After The Events Of Deep Impact?, but unfortunately the article isn’t as great as its title promises it could be.

Kode9 & Spaceape (Esplanade, Singapore, 9 March 2008)

I had left London by the time dubstep nights started taking off, and since dubstep seemed one of the least suitable subgenres of dnb ever for the bedroom speaker experience, I never bothered seeking out much of it apart from the occasional podcast. (One of the differences between 2004 me and 2008 me. I don’t like this difference, but it’s also true that remaining so ignorant means I no longer chafe about Singapore’s lousy club scene.)

So I attended the Kode9 and Spaceape club night in almost total ignorance, which may be why I spent the first 20 minutes channelling Marvin the Martian and whining to Alec “Where’s the kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom!” Instead of the ribcage-vibrating, internal-organ-displacing bass beats I was expecting, they were just doing the sort of expansive soundscapes that tend to start and end dnb tracks, with little or no beats. I was dismayed. I had come to get my mellow totally harshed, and it wasn’t happening.

Actually, they had just taken the long view and I was being an impatient child. The music built, gradually but perceptibly, to the point where Spaceape announced “That was all just to warm you up. Now it’s time to dance!” As it turns out, I got my earth-shattering kaboom for the next two sweaty, breathless, epileptic hours. And, as always seems to happen with any club event that actually interests me in Singapore, attendance was low enough that there was plenty of space for completely uninhibited dancing.

I’m too ignorant to name any tracks, but I thought they did a great job of playing tracks that were consistently danceable but with differing intensities – we’d get sections where everyone was dancing with total gorilla abandon, and then a section of slightly less frenetic music as a respite. It is admittedly possible that I entered some zone of transcendental bliss that meant they could fart rhythmically and I’d just happily twitch and jerk along, but I do think they did a masterful job of creating and maintaining a great atmosphere for dancing. I left with ringing ears and the “exercise high” I don’t actually get from normal exercising, only from dancing. Thank you Kode9 & Spaceape, first for exorcising us of the BSS disaster demons, and second for reminding me why I love clubbing. It’s been difficult to hold on to that memory, living here.

Broken Social Scene (Esplanade, Singapore, 9 March 2008)

I’m sure I must have been to duller gigs in my life than Broken Social Scene, but perhaps unsurprisingly, I can’t remember any of them now. In hindsight, it’s ridiculous that I’d been hoping the Esplanade sound system or a large live ensemble would help me appreciate the band’s songs better – at least on my iPod I could always just concentrate on my book and relegate them to aural wallpaper but now, here I was, trapped in an expensive concert seat with no other alternative for entertainment or distinctive musical ideas except Alec’s gentle snores beside me. I later found out Jacob and Pearlyn had walked out halfway, and realized for the second time that sometimes I really have to stop being so damn Singaporean about Getting My Money’s Worth, and just cut my losses and leave.

Perhaps some BSS fan might read this and my previous post on the topic and conclude that there was never any possibility I would enjoy the gig, because I was prejudiced against it from the outset. In fact, I was hoping against hope that like for Tortoise and Jaga Jazzist, I would go in actively disliking their music and emerge wild-eyed, reeling and evangelical. It’s possible my error of judgement here was equating BSS with the other two bands, because I find BSS’s music so pedestrian that I can’t even summon up active dislike for it, just complete indifference.

I don’t mean to enlist other people’s opinions in support of my own, but I enjoyed emptysignifier’s text-messages of outrage too much not to share them. (Again, emptysignifier attended the gig with an open mind, as a self-proclaimed “gigslut” just checking the band out. Although he has been on the receiving end of my music snobbery many times, he pays me no mind whatsoever, which is great.) I’ve received 4 instalments so far, starting immediately after the gig and even extending until yesterday! (Just provide RSS feed already lah!) Some excerpts:

  • “…for a band with a name like Broken Social Scene, they played more like a United National Front!…Why play a 2-chord rock song on FOUR guitars?!?!”
  • “While u rubbished them from the outset, I thought they were at least an erudite, intellectual band making introspective, eclectic, atmospheric music. But they’re really a rent-a-rock-band!”
  • “I mean, what’s with the woman and the trumpet? She had it hooked up to an uber cool utility belt of FX pedals, which was totally set up for consciousness-expanding sounds, but no matter what she did it still sounded like a goddamn trumpet!”
  • “…the ending was a fucking NDP warm-up cheering session!”
  • “Kevin Drew is the poor man’s Wayne Coyne!”

Even on a personal level and totally disregarding music, this gig = FAIL for me. I actually started the gig in a positive frame of mind about the band, because I thought their introductory joke about the members who weren’t present – including “Mas Selamat Kastari, who didn’t turn up for rehearsal” – was quite funny. Unfortunately, they then frittered away my goodwill over the course of the evening with a number of patronising comments (Matt, who attended the gig with an open mind since he’d never heard of them, and whose said mind I am incapable of poisoning with my music snobbery anyway, dealt with these pretty well in his account) and too many self-led cheerleading “OK EVERYONE CHEER FOR 60 SECONDS!!” sessions. For what blessedly turned out to be the very last one, after sitting in pained silence for the entire gig I finally reached the end of my tether and participated enthusiastically in the noisemaking by bawling “YOU SUCK! SHUT UP! FUCK OFF!”

Return Of The Matt

Matt is here for his 3rd visit! Almost exactly a year ago, he helped Alec throw me a surprise birthday party and firmly established himself as my favourite male karaoke singer. Six months later he did us the honour of co-MCing our wedding, and in another karaoke session, gave me the first sign from God (2 more signs soon followed but that’s another blog entry) that I must learn to sing Master of Puppets as the next crucial stage of my karaoke journey.

This visit, I’m really happy we’ve finally been able to relax and have fun with him without needing to juggle lots of other stuff. Also, I love taking photos of Matt because they always come out as great records of good times had. Conversely, when I take photos of myself and/or Alec, our presence manages to suck all life and spontaneity out of the photo, leaving a photogenic void nearly as repulsive as Lemon Blowjob Face girls.

Here is Matt in Singapore’s most ludicrously OTT bar.

They don’t let you take photos unless you’re taking photos of your friends, and my surreptitious photos really didn’t do it justice, but let’s just say the bar at Parkview Square has just earned its place on Michelle’s Tours Of The Singapore Lots Of Tourists Don’t See But Which Is Freaking Hilarious And Way More Fun Than Clarke Quay (estab. 2003 with rave reviews ever since).

Here is an action shot of Matt playing my favourite minigolf. (I WON YAYYYY!)

Here is the squid Matt MADE, which by sheer coincidence happens to be a perfect companion for Ugly. I have named him Squgly. (OK, this isn’t technically a picture of Matt, but Squgly and Ugly are also way more photogenic than Alec and me, so why not.)

Unfortunately, I didn’t take any photos during karaoke this time because it was very civilised. But you may enjoy this one instead from last year’s birthday karaoke chaos. (Photo visible only to my Flickr friends i.e. anyone who knows me in real life and adds me as a Flickr friend, because I don’t want people to recognize me through recognizing my husband. Though it is true that in the photo, Alec pretty much looks like Matt’s husband.)

Bullshit Social Scene

I am going to the Broken Social Scene gig tomorrow and have no idea why any more.

I initially chose it out of desperation because I wanted to go to one Mosaic gig other than Kode9 & Spaceape, have already seen The Roots and Mum, and wasn’t drawn to any of the other acts. I hadn’t listened to any BSS stuff in a long time and foolishly thought that I had perhaps been too unkind to them in the past. Listening again, further removed from the hype of that Pitchfork review of You Forgot It In People which catapulted them to it-band status, I figured I might begin to see what all the indie kids make such a fuss about. Also, I thought that their typically large ensemble might make for a good live performance.

So earlier this week I listened again to You Forgot It In People and the self-titled album, and the optimism rapidly dissolved into utter boredom. Oh, shit.

I think I just wasted my money on fine clothes for a naked emperor.

Tokyo: Day One

I had jokes involving flying NWA, ghetto experiences, and “straight outta Chechnya”, but decided in an unusual fit of restraint that they were too lame to actually make. Let’s move on.

Practicalities:

We used the N’EX with SUICA discount deal to get into Tokyo, and at the end of our trip, the airport limousine bus on the way out. A little pricey, but still the best compromise between cost and convenience for us this time.

The Hotel Villa Fontaine Shiodome served our needs pretty well for the week, though if we were on a holiday we would probably have looked into ryokans instead. We found ourselves quite relieved to be in a more peaceful part of town than Shinjuku, yet still well located both for Alec’s work travel and my sightseeing. Except for far too little cupboard space, the room was comfortable, well decorated, had high-speed Internet, and was 5m from a vending machine selling 300Y-and-under beer. The price also included daily buffet breakfasts of salad, soup, a decent selection of breads and pastries, small sausages and hard-boiled eggs – not very elaborate but much more enjoyable for me than the boring continental breakfasts you get in European hotels/B&Bs. All in all, for what you get I think it’s great value for Tokyo, and I’d still consider staying there again (well up to three days anyway, can’t really afford more) even if I were travelling on my own dime.

On with the exploring:

The Shiodome area is full of showy, gleaming bubble economy era skyscrapers, with huge atriums and other large spaces heated uncomfortably warm even on a winter’s night. What we saw of the malls seemed pretty dead; we did see people walking in and between them, but couldn’t conceive how they could constitute enough traffic (on a Saturday night, to boot) to keep the places commercially viable. I know I’m making it sound really depressing, but the emptiness was actually a wonderful respite for us after a cramped uncomfortable flight and lots of hauling of luggage around crowded train stations where every escalator was going in the opposite direction from ours. Raised pedestrian walkways between the buildings take you off the roadside and glass shields along their lengths protect you from the icy winds. Every few minutes a driverless monorail snakes above you, announcing itself only very discreetly with a soft rush of air and muted light trails in your peripheral vision. In the photo, it’s that line of light in the top left.

But we were starving, so dinner took priority over exploring for the meantime. Lonely Planet was pretty useless for our immediate vicinity, so we just walked into the Pedi Shiodome skyscraper next to our hotel and did some walking, hemming and hawing up and down a row of about 10 restaurants, most of which served safe options we were already familiar with, and Komeraku (scroll down for it on that page) which looked cheap and cheerful but we’d never seen the food on its menuboard before. As we stood outside this one frowning and scrutinizing the pictures, its friendly waiter made the decision for us by coming and ushering us in.

I smiled nervously and broke out the “Sumimasen, nihongo ga hanasemasen. Eigo ga hanasemasuka?” my colleague had taught me, and luckily for us he spoke enough to guide us pretty well through a menu of mostly unfamiliar stuff. When he couldn’t think of the English for “ika”, he drew a happy squid on his order notebook. I understand from bento.com that what this place serves is chazuke, which the waiter described as “Japanese risotto”. We ordered set meals, where you choose whether you want pork or fish broth, and pick two toppings and whatever protein you’re in the mood for. Then you spoon some rice (it looked like long-grain, half-polished rice, and stood up to the broth well without getting all mushy) into a bowl, take your beautiful little soup kettle and pour in some broth, add your toppings, a sprinkling of seaweed and some absolutely wonderful crunchy bitty things that were at every table and gave you little explosions of crunch in each mouthful of soupy rice. It was unbelievably delicious, and for only about 910Y each! This remained one of our favourite meals from the trip.

After dinner we strolled aimlessly but happily around the neighbourhood, just enjoying its tranquility and the feeling of being back in a winter climate. I was also trying to familiarize myself with the new baby I bought just a few days before and my Velbon Ultramax travel tripod, which I’d shamefully not got round to using since Alec gave it to me for Christmas. The difference it’s made to my night photography is an absolute revelation – it’s coming on every holiday from now on! Unfortunately, my rather “experimental” photos during this first night when I was still learning aren’t really worth sharing, which is why this post is light on photos.

On the way back to the hotel, I snapped this ad for a TV series. Further research has revealed it’s based on a manga where the troubled boxing prodigy protagonist and the nun who tries to help him develop feelings for each other. Oookay.

Fashion Statement

This may be one of those you-had-to-be-there things, or only funny if you enjoy Alec’s typically self-deprecating nerd humour, but anyway I was mightily endeared and wanted to record it here:

We are getting ready to go out for dinner to Mango Tree, one of the pricier restaurants at the beach near our home. Alec emerges in his outfit. “I was going for ‘yacht club’, but somehow it ended up more like ‘remote-controlled yacht club’.”

Tokyo: Smoke Break

Back from Tokyo, and it was awesome! Unfortunately, immediately upon returning I have been catapulted into a work shitpit, so I can’t do much updating at the moment. In the meantime, maybe you might enjoy chilling with my Harajuku girl while waiting. I’m printing her out and sticking her to my wall at work this week to remind myself (a) that I was just on holiday, and (b) to breathe.

Harajuku Girl

King Rat: Needs A Remix

Oh dear, my naffness premonition about King Rat turned out to be right. Check out these lines:

  • “Saul’s heart was beating like a Jungle bassline.” [This is after Saul had been running for ages. Fuck saving the metropolis, dude has some serious irregular heartbeat issues to worry about! You want to exaggerate like this, say his heart was beating like Moby’s Thousand, but a jungle bassline is just…medically wrong.]
  • “The rats and Saul left the relative safety of London’s nightlands and entered the warehouse, the frenzied jaws of Drum and Bass, the domain of smoke and strobe lights and Hardcore, the Piper’s lair, the heart of Darkness, deep in the Jungle.” [Again with the unnecessary capitalisations. Are we in Brixton or the Hundred Acre Wood?]
  • “The Drum and Bass felt as if it would lift the hatch out of the floor, off into the sky. It was unforgiving, a punishing assault of original Hardcore beats.” [It feels a bit off to use that usual MC patois of “original hardcore” in a description like this. Is it just me?]
  • “She pulled the record back, let it forward again a little, pulled it back, scratching playfully like an old school rapper, finally releasing her hand and switching off the first tune in a smooth movement, unleashing the new bassline.” [Scratching like a rapper? Also, reading about how someone DJs is like watching paint dry.]

Apart from the drum’n’bass cringeworthiness, some other things about the book’s plot seem a bit misconceived, sort of like what you might come up with if you went out to a massive jungle night with your mates back in the day, took a lot of E, brought everyone back to yours to come down on some spliffs, and while lounging wrecked on your plonk-stained student flat carpet, started brainstorming ideas for a book. For example (some spoilers to follow, but I think they’re so damn obvious long before they happen that there’s no harm giving them away now):
Read More “King Rat: Needs A Remix”