punny

When you’re this bored and depressed and permanently sweaty, blogging anything more eloquent than a series of blehs becomes quite a challenge. I could regale you with thrilling tales of my afternoons on the couch watching whatever’s on Animal Planet (generally, too many proboscis monkeys), or go off on a rant about how Jamie Cullum makes jazz for lobotomy patients, or make dark statements about how if Fantasia Barrino doesn’t win American Idol there will be no truth, beauty or justice left in this world, but I really think it’s better for everyone if I do one of those links-as-substitutes-for-real-content posts, don’t you?

Here are some about porn.

I found this dictionary of Japanese porn perversions through Tamara’s livejournal, but it really needs to be shared with the world. To give you an idea of what’s apparently available to the average Japanese porn consumer, Fundoshi (women in traditional Sumo g-strings rolling around giving each other “really harsh wedgies”) is I guess fairly understandable, Pantsu To Kao involves putting panties which are several sizes too small over someone’s face so that they squish the nose, Shokku-shu kei involves tentacles, and Unagi (eels) may quite possibly no longer be my favourite Japanese dish.

People who know me should not be surprised that my favourite entries in The 100 Worst Porn Movie Titles are the ones that involve really bad puns (on Hollywood movie titles). To this effect, I offer you “Big Trouble In Little Vagina” and “Sperms Of Endearment”. However, I acknowledge that some people may find more esoteric joys in “Let’s Play Anal Twister”, “Airtight Granny” and “Beyond The Valley Of The Ultra Milkmaids”.

Alec once told me a Simpsons quote where Homer meets Billy Corgan at some rock festival. Billy says “Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins”. Homer says “Homer Simpson, smiling politely.” The alternate title for this post should probably be “Michelle’s Readers, Smiling Politely.”