The Wu-Tang Clan Name Generator is highly dissatisfactory and clearly ill-conceived. My Wu-Name is apparently Lazy-Assed Destroyer, which just goes against all MC naming conventions. Consider: the unchanged spelling of “lazy”, the unnecessarily grammatical “ed” on the end of “Ass”, and above all, the “er” that ends “Destroyer”.
I think my Wu-Name should have been Lay-Z Ass Destroyah.
So far this site has featured Crazy Elbows At Eye-Jabbing Level Girl & Very Sweaty Shirtless I’m-Soooo-Cool-Because- You-Can-See-My-Calvins-Over-The-Top-Of-My-Well-Filled-
Trousers Guy, Stupor Guy and possibly a few more characters I’ve forgotten about since. Bryan introduces the world to a whole host more. Unexpectedly Attractive Birthmark Girl Who Slouches sounds particularly intriguing.
In news of the random, pointless and childish, here’s thumbing my nose at you, Ken. I beat you by one mark in the Economist style quiz. 9/12. Nyah.
Of course, in the same paragraph where I gloat over achieving this standard in writing style, I engage in obtuse mixing and mangling of cultural references, probably to incomprehensible effect. Always the hypocrite.
I’ll write more tomorrow. But right now what needs to be said is that:
As always, John is my tall, chronically and terrifyingly messy, Newcastlian guide to the realm of the truly bizarre:
My reaction to this news story: why on earth was the giant Norwegian rocking horse even built with a penis? Surely rocking horses don’t have to be anatomically correct? This intrigues me. I’m going to have to start groping every rocking horse I see, just to check.
I wasn’t in the UK in 1992, so this is the first time I’ve heard of Ghostwatch, which sounds fascinating in terms of the War Of The Worlds effect it apparently had on less observant members of the British public.
And finally, there’s the good ol’ Fortean Times, which John describes as “the home of all weirdness”. Uh, John? There’s also your room…
The Invisible Library collects books which have only ever existed in other books, which is the wonderful sort of idea that floats around in my head from time to time, gets scribble-listed on scraps of paper and then promptly lost, which is why it’s a good thing someone else actually took the time and trouble to put it all together and get it online.
Books that sound intriguing:
It’s nice to know that if I were an Oz Prison Bitch, my name would apparently be Cum Guzzler.
Slate thinks the Brits do TV better. I suppose they haven’t seen the Richard Blackwood Show then.
Some favourites from the 101 Dumbest Moments in E-Business History:
4: In November 2000, the Internet Underground Music Archive — a.k.a. IUMA.com — posts the following on its website: “Ladies and Gentlemen, we are overjoyed to present you with the ten winners of our ‘Name Your Baby IUMA’ Contest. Congratulations to these bold, beautiful babies — Iuma Thornhill, Iuma Ross, Iuma Becht, Iuma Carlton, Iuma Farish, Iuma Devi, Iuma Godfrey, Iuma Daigre, Iuma Radnedge and Iuma Hebert!” Each baby is guaranteed $5,000 (and, presumably, a childhood full of schoolyard beatings).
12: In October 1998, an e-commerce software vendor launches with the name Accompany, which, when said aloud, sounds exactly like “a company.” As in “Hi, I’m calling from Accompany.” “Which company?” “Accompany.” And so forth.
31:Boo, Part III: Founders Ernst Malmsten and Kajsa Leander begin spending their venture capital booty. The New York Times later breaks down their expenditures, which include $150,000 annual salaries for the founders, plus $100,000 apiece to rent apartments in London and another $100,000 to redecorate them; $654,100 on promotional giveaways like disposable cameras and snow globes; $600,000 in public relations fees to the firm of Hill & Knowlton (mostly for setting up lunches with fashion editors); a $42 million ad campaign; a staff of 420 people, a.k.a the boocrew, housed in offices spanning from New York to Paris to Munich to Stockholm; and $5,000 per day to a crew of fashion consultants and hairstylists to perfect the look of Miss Boo, the site’s computer-animated mascot …
59: Utek, a business development company that finds, acquires, develops, and finances university technology for its customers, issues the following warning in its prospectus: “Our management has limited experience operating a business, has had no experience in managing and operating a business development company, and has little or no experience in corporate finance and corporate mergers.”
62: An uninhabitable, fire-damaged Silicon Valley house sells for more than $1.5 million.
90: Beenz.
Whee, Django’s got all used CDs at $7.99 for a week. I hope I haven’t just made a huge mistake by buying The Sebadoh.
Radiohead played songs from the upcoming Amnesiac at SXSW. The uncanny “similarity” between Kevin Raub’s report at CDNOW and these track descriptions at a fansite makes me wonder who’s been plagiarizing who. Meanwhile, Kid A continues to grow on me, and Amnesiac looks set to be interesting listening at the very least.
My heart goes out to Bushonics speakers everywhere, not. Ah, politics. It almost makes you long for those good ol’ Stalin days, where Photoshop 0.1 and a couple of thumbscrews were all you needed to conceal the terrifying truth about politicians from the great unwashed masses.
The surfing, she is good these days…
The time management, she is not.
Alas.
Just when I thought Neil Gaiman couldn’t get any cooler, he went and started writing a blog about American Gods.
Hugely gratifying: Literary critics ‘fess up at Slate about great books they haven’t read. This compilation of Amazon reader comments on the Modern Library’s top 20 novels of the 20th century was reasonably entertaining as well, though given that I’ve only read 4.5 of the 20 (The Great Gatsby, Brave New World, 1984, Slaughterhouse Five, half of To The Lighthouse), I suppose I’m not in a position to judge the accuracy (of lack thereof) of their commentary.
Slate performs an important public service with The Complete Bushisms. Some of my favourites:
“Keep good relations with the Grecians.”
“Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?”
“I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.”
“This is Preservation Month. I appreciate preservation. It’s what you do when you run for president. You gotta preserve.”— Speaking during “Perseverance Month”
“We want our teachers to be trained so they can meet the obligations, their obligations as teachers. We want them to know how to teach the science of reading. In order to make sure there’s not this kind of federal—federal cufflink.”
“Laura and I really don’t realize how bright our children is sometimes until we get an objective analysis.”
“It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot of numbers in it.”
“The only things that I can tell you is that every case I have reviewed I have been comfortable with the innocence or guilt of the person that I’ve looked at. I do not believe we’ve put a guilty … I mean innocent person to death in the state of Texas.”
Oh God, I’m just halfway up the page!