Although I have generally failed, over the last few years at least, to write about important events in my life here, I couldn’t let this one pass without mentioning it. The scholarship bond that has been hanging over my head since the age of 19 has finally been discharged. While I certainly benefited from it in many ways, it also affected my life in ways I would have preferred to avoid – such as requiring me to leave my life in London and return to Singapore after university, and compelling Alec to move his own life over here in order for us to be in the same country. Things have worked out okay for us, thankfully. So as much as I do wonder what might have been, I need only look to my wonderful marriage, secure finances, comfortable lifestyle and close friendships to know and appreciate what is.
Still…it feels helluva good to finally have a say in what I think I am worth, rather than having to accept someone else’s determination. And so it was that, with gratitude but also some sadness, I resigned my position upon completion of my bond, and am now free to decide how exactly to spend the rest of my life living off Alec.
But yes, I’m taking a few months off from gainful employment to think about where I want to go from here. It’s terrifying! The lower-level stuff is easy – I want to pull up my DJing/photography/dancing socks, invest my savings better than I have done thus far, tidy up our home, shed a few pounds, support my mother as she cares for my increasingly frail grandmother, and do some travelling. But stepping aside from to-do-listable items and thinking about what I really want still leaves me without an answer. Who knew the Spice Girls asked life’s toughest questions?
While I try to figure out all that, I’ll leave you with the latest salvo fired in the Alec vs Russ wars. This surprise delivery arrived today:
Alec was out when the flowers arrived, but of course I couldn’t resist calling him to tell him about them. We had this conversation when he got home:
Me: Come see my huge bouquet of flowers from Russ!
Alec: NO, I DON’T WANT TO ADMIRE YOUR RUSSANTHEMUMS!