Newsmax.com’s daily updated archive of one-liners from late night American talk show monologues is an invaluable service to the Lenoless and Conancraving worldwide. Continuing in the vein of shallow low-brow things that I unashamedly enjoy, I watch these on cable in Singapore, and was sorely missing them last night when I lost ten minutes of my life to Jonathan Ross and his mission of boredom.
- The U.S. military says that even though Osama bin Laden may have left Afghanistan, they will continue to bomb as long as Geraldo is there. – Leno
- If you don’t laugh, that means the terrorists have won. – Leno
- The Olympic Torch completed its 13,000-mile journey tonight in Utah. Unfortunately, local Mormons thought the torch was a cigarette butt and stomped it out. – Conan
- Next week on Sesame Street they are going to air a series of shows to explain the war on terrorism to kids. That’s a good idea. This also explains why Oscar The Grouch is being held in a trash can on Guantanamo Bay. – Conan
- Happy New Year! If you’re watching this at home, you are having one lame party! – Conan
- Osama bin Laden is planning a televised suicide. I call that hosting the Academy Awards. – Letterman
Try some e.e. cummings if you never have, and even if you have make sure you’ve read these:
- here’s to opening and upward
- if everything happens that can’t be done
- o sweet spontaneous
- what if a much of a which of a wind
- somewhere i have never travelled
- i thank you god for most this amazing
Variation On The Word Sleep and Postcards are Margaret Atwood discoveries which remind me I really must go buy some of her poetry, despite not always being keen on her prose (loved A Handmaid’s Tale, abandoned Alias Grace, am somehow completely uninterested in A Robber Bride).