Things Fall Apart

I realized on the bus home yesterday that, completely unintentionally, I was reading a book set in a leper colony and listening to Disintegration.

And because I clicked “Preview” and this post looked a little short the way it was, I shall end with a terribly tasteless joke. You know what prostitutes like about lepers, don’t you? Yeah, they always leave a tip.


  1. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh so bad. here’s a crap pub joke i heard the other night:

    A woman went into the doctor’s complaining that there was something wrong with her ‘down there’. He asked her to be more specific, and she blushed. “Well doctor, the thing is… it can’t stop singing.”

    The doctor was puzzled and asked her what she meant by that. “I mean,” she insisted, “that it keeps on singing. Look I’ll show it to you.” And she pulled up her skirt, and lo and behold, her vagina was merrily singing ‘Is This The Way To Amarillo’.

    “Oh don’t worry,” said the doctor. “Every cunt is singing that nowadays.”

  2. AHAHAHAHAHA. To the Amrillo thing. Have heard the leper one before, sadly. Do you know why they fired the paraplegic juggler? He kept dropping paraplegics.

  3. Most of my friends already know this one (because I always tell it), but for those who haven’t had the (dubious) pleasure of meeting me…

    Q. Why did Helen Keller’s dog suffer from serious depression?

    A. You would too, if your name was UUUUNGGHHH.

  4. a guy and a giraffe walk into a bar..

    they order 2 pints of beer ….

    they finish them, and order another 2 pints….

    they knock them back and order another 2 pints each…

    they finish their beers and suddenly the giraffe collapses and falls backwards off his bar stool.

    the man seeing this gets up, to make a hasty retreat and is going out the door when the barman shouts over “Oi you can’t leave that lying there”

    yer man looks ’round and says thats not a lion thats a giraffe.

  5. But in the interest of never giving up and never thinking things through, here’s another one:

    I was in a pub yesterday and the cigarette machine

    said “You smell and you’re ugly”

    Then I heard a voice coming from a nearby plate

    of peanuts saying “You’re a very handsome young man”

    Turns out the cigarette machine was out of order

    and the nuts were complimentary.

  6. I know I shouldn’t encourage him, but I admit I laughed, despite myself.

  7. sorry Tessa

    i’m already subject to an Order of Mandamus which requires me to post jokes (look, I hate it as much as you do but what are you going to do)

    a guy walks into a bar..

    and says ouch.

  8. This mushroom walks into a bar and tries to get this hot girl to dance with him, but she says, no, man, I don’t dance with mushrooms. And he’s like… why the hell not? I’m a fun guy.

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