Spandex Party Boy

Context for the following conversation: Not content with his previous dangerous pastimes of flying, skiing, hunting and polo, Alec is currently learning boxing. Because, of course, he already has an excellent memory, and is not scatter-brained at all, and never does anything that horrifies his girlfriend with its complete gobshiteness such as losing her library books, or nearly leaving her house to walk home after midnight while his wallet, keys and handphone are still upstairs in her room, or thinking he can windsurf when he hasn’t windsurfed since he was twelve, subsequently necessitating the rescue boat, and so he can therefore CLEARLY, CRYSTAL-CLEARLY afford the potential brain damage…

Um, where was I? Oh yes – I was meaning to explain that for boxing training, he needed to buy a skipping rope the other day. In case you guys thought he was a paedophile.

Alec: When I was paying for my skipping rope at World Of Sports the cashier asked me if I needed anything else and I said, yes actually, I could do with a pair of black shorts. So he went and brought me a pair, they were black, medium sized, price was okay, so I bought them too. Trouble was, when I got home and looked at them a bit closer, they were made of this rather stretchy…
Me: Oh dear.
Alec: …spandex material.
Me: Oh God.
Alec: I tried them on and they were, well, quite skin-tight. But I thought if I wore them with a long T-shirt, maybe I could just use them for exercise in the condo compound.
Me: NOOOO! Nonononononononononono!
Alec: So I got into the lift in my shorts and with my skipping-rope and there were two other people in there and you know that habit Singaporeans have of talking about people in another language when you don’t want them to know you’re talking about them?
Me: Yeah.
Alec: Well it’s pretty bleeding obvious you’re talking about them when you stare them up and down blatantly and the conversation’s all in Chinese except for the word “skipping-rope”!
Me: Tee-hee. See, if you had a blog like everyone’s begging you to, you could write stuff like this down. Though I daresay your fans would probably ignore the point of multicultural etiquette you’re trying to make and instead just start chanting SPAN-DEX! SPAN-DEX!
Alec: I was wearing a really long T-shirt with them!
Alec: This is why I hated primary school.