I spent Saturday night with ex-Raffles debaters, all of whom I helped to train at some point in their debating careers. I therefore take a little pride in how well they all did in the debating arena, but I’m wondering if I perhaps had a less than ideal influence on other aspects of their personal development. Of course, it’s also possible they got this twisted entirely on their own.

After a dinner where some penetrating observations on, er, penetration, were loudly voiced, we went back to Ying’s house for ice cream and later settled in her room to play Taboo. Being debaters, an issue as simple as how to divide our group of 8 into teams became a long-drawn-out, albeit hilarious, discussion until I flung my hands in the air and suggested we divide the groups by “People who give a shit how we divide the groups” and “People who don’t give a shit how we divide the groups”. This idea eventually won the day, so we got started.

Word to be guessed: Exotic
YP: Strippers can also be described as…?

Word to be guessed: Blokes
Me: In England, I would refer to my friends as –

It may be hard to believe from those two examples but our team “The Shits” (the former of the two teams described above) went on to win two rounds out of two. I’m pretty sure FY will be a very prominent person in Singapore some day. I shall remember this when he gets sworn into office.

When a change of game was suggested, I introduced everyone to the joys of Sexy Scrabble.

Sexy Scrabble

Based on the permissive attitude adopted towards compound word formation in my first foray, I encouraged the same approach here in the interests of fun. This is how MAN became MANTITS, MANTITSSAG and finally HEREMANTITSSAG. Similarly, VAJ became VAJIZ, VAJIZONFUR, and MYVAJIZONFUR – it being too late by the time the MY was added to modify the last word of the compound to FIRE.

Elsewhere, people trying to get rid of random letters when the game was in its last gasps turned BONED to LEBONED and a Z and K with 2 spaces in between them to ZCOK. These words were justified as being French. Other cunning linguists had earlier snuck in PODIA justifying it as “Latin for foot” and then added GIRL to refine the fetish, so since we were already near the bottom of the slippery slope we shrugged and let these attempts pass. However, should you embark on your own Sexy Scrabble explorations, I recommend a little stricter discipline.

There’s No Scrabble Like Sexy Scrabble

The rules of Sexy Scrabble are that every word you make has to be sexual, or at least suggestive, or as a matter of last resort, of general vulgarity. Approval of words is obviously not obtained by referring to the official Scrabble dictionary, but is solely subject to the opinion of the vile rabble with whom you are playing.

And so it was that we converged on Yish’s house two Saturdays ago to forget that we were actually mature sophisticated well-educated 24-year-olds, and, at least for an evening, to be puerile 17-year-olds again.

The major insight we gained from the experience was that for a good game of Sexy Scrabble, ordinary Scrabble rules must be very liberally interpreted, if applied at all, and the English language must be forced into all manner of compromising positions.

In our first game, adding letters to words already on the board to make some sort of phrase or sentence was permitted. In this way, Yish was permitted to transform DICK into DICKME. My later attempt to make VINDICKME was, however, rejected. My outrage at this was somewhat mollified when my later proposal to adapt MANGA into MANGAZE was accepted. Through a similar process, the slightly more surreal sequence of TWIGGY -> BADTWIGGY -> RIMBADTWIGGY -> PRIMBADTWIGGY -> IMPRIMBADTWIGGY was obtained.

The traditional approach of not revealing your intended words to the other players also gave way in pursuit of the common good. When Jianyi tried to use an A on the board to make JAW, Fay insisted that she needed it for her FANNY. When we all agreed that the presence of FANNY on the board was of vital importance, Jianyi had no choice but to produce JAWSEMEN instead, which was mutated by others later on to INJAWSEMEN and FOULINJAWSEMEN.

In our second game, we decided to try something a little classier. In this spirit, Yish started us off with BEGET, and I followed with AROUSE. This new classy version of sexy Scrabble soon proved to be dead boring and was soon abandoned in favour of transforming LOVER to TOELOVER, and RANDY to ISORANDY to OMISORANDY, which seemed like a good place to call it a night.

our bawdy board