Career Suicide Who?

It might get a little quiet round here in the next few days as I try to get my arse in gear for a redesign.

In the meantime, here’s a joke I told to the boss of a glamorous department in my company where lots of ambitious high-flyers want to work.

Me: Knock knock.
Boss: Who’s there?
Me: The interrupting cow.
Boss: The interrupting c…
Me: MOO!

I expect his offer of a prime position, company car and tenfold salary increase to arrive shortly, don’t you?

Things Fall Apart

I realized on the bus home yesterday that, completely unintentionally, I was reading a book set in a leper colony and listening to Disintegration.

And because I clicked “Preview” and this post looked a little short the way it was, I shall end with a terribly tasteless joke. You know what prostitutes like about lepers, don’t you? Yeah, they always leave a tip.

And The Winner Is…

…Rene, who wrote a really sweet sincere email about what this blog has given her over the years. I loved all the jokes everyone contributed, really I did, but in the end, being told that my blog actually meant something to somebody, and had done for several years, was what gave me the biggest and happiest smile. Sappy but true.

[Original post and competition rules]

So congratulations Rene, and thank you so much to everyone else who gave it a shot. I’m pretty happy with how this competition turned out, so I might try it again in the future if an appropriate giveaway object presents itself.

Till next time, let me leave you with a story:

This guy walks into a pub and half his head is a big orange. He asks for a pint of lager. The bartender says “Excuse me, I couldn’t help noticing, but half your head appears to be a big orange.”

“Yeah, had that for a while now,” the guy says.

So the bartender says “How did that happen, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“I was in this old junk shop,” the guy explains, “and I found a lamp. I gave it a rub, and this genie appeared! He offered me the standard three wishes, so for my first wish, I asked for every woman I’d ever meet to fall madly in love with me. The genie waved his genie hands around and suddenly every woman was looking at me with sparkling eyes. For my second wish, I asked for a wallet with a million quid in it, which would never be lost or destroyed, and which would replenish itself whenever I spent any money. And my wish was granted.”

“And the third?” the bartender prompted, leaning forward eagerly.

“And for my third wish,” the guy said, “I said I wanted half my head to be a big orange.”