This column breezily explores the inverse relationship between the quality of a band’s name and their ultimate success, a phenomenon which has always amused me. And of course, I’ve whiled away many a dull moment by wondering what I’d name my band, though I usually take it for granted that we’d be destined for failure and therefore feel free to be a bit loopy.
- The Meaningless Plurals: No prizes for guessing which sorts of bands we’ll be satirizing. But we’ll also play the occasional Motown cover, with great tenderness.
- The Google Sex Perverts: Not originally my idea. Jonathan, who was once the only South African reader of this site and is now possibly one of many South African non-readers of this site (because I haven’t heard from him for a while) came up with it in a hilarious comment thread on the previous incarnation of this site, and I’ve never forgotten it.
- I Am Spartacus: Yes, our songs will all only have 3 words and be very repetitive. How’d you guess?
- Boutros-Boutros Kweli: We will be the ultimate “positive hip-hop” supergroup. Common will beg to work with us and we’ll say “Phooey, you’re boring!” We’ll let Hi-Tek produce us, but he’ll have to change his name.
- Frau Farbischener: An all-girl Franz Ferdinand tribute band.
What would you name your band?