My Boys

Not only are my boyfriend and best friend in the same country as me for the first time in a year, they’re also living together. Given that my house doesn’t have a guest room, and Alec lives alone in my family’s old 3-bedroom apartment, it seemed to make sense.

In the run-up to Russ’s visit, the boys exchanged a number of affectionate emails. Here are some excerpts.

“we’ll be able to spend lots of time together – budddddiiiieeeeee” – Alec

“Oooh, lots of time with you (Alec). I wonder how that will turn out. Will we be best buds by the end of it, or will you suffer a fate of /accidentally/ falling off a balcony, or /accidental/ drowning? Who knows, we will have to wait and see.” – Russ

“I’d enjoy having you as a guest – you’d probably be my first visitor so I can work out all the problem with the guest room by using you as a guinea pig. e.g. ‘Hey Alec, this toilet doesn’t flush’ or ‘Alec, is that a dead rat in the corner?’… By the way, there’s a large pile of pigeon shit on the outside of the guest bedroom windowsill. You’d better bring a brush and sponge.” – Alec

Now in case anyone finds it puzzling that Alec would be mildly hostile towards my best friend (completely apart from the fact that Russ has a toned body, dances well, dresses well, has understood me intuitively almost from the day we met, and is a guy), let me recount a little incident from the past.

(Scene: the day of my graduation; dinner with my parents, Alec and Russ.)
My mum: Russ, I just want to thank you for everything you’ve done for Michelle over the years. Walking her home late at night, picking her up at the airport…
Alec, interrupting facetiously (I think): Ah yes, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about, Russ! I mean, you just make me look really bad as a boyfriend! All this picking her up at the airport at 9 in the morning…
Russ, interrupting facetiously (I think): Actually, it was 6 in the morning.
Me: Hahahahahahaha!
My parents: Hahahahahahaha!
Alec, seething quietly: Hahahahahahaha.

I think the flat will be big enough for both of them, don’t you?

11 comments

  1. hahahahahahahaha. =)

    (this brings to mind the age-old question, can guys and girls be best buds? i guess in your case, yes. =))

  2. a l: As you guessed, I’m a firm believer that guys and girls can be best buds, and can love each other as deeply as a couple would, just in a different way.

    Wulfe: Still plenty of blunt objects there though. Bit worrying.

  3. yes well, i suppose there’s no way to remove Alec’s razor sharp wit!…oh …my mistake !!

  4. My demands are as follows:

    1) A “Michelle’s House” webcam

    2) An exclusive contract to provide the narration for aforementioned webcam.

    That is all.

  5. Out of sheer baldfaced kaypohness, has your mother ever wanted to know why you aren’t dating Russ instead of Alec? (unless, of course, Russ’ tastes don’t quite lean in that direction?) =)

  6. Well, my mum really likes both of them so it isn’t an issue for her anyway. What it comes down to is that I love both madly but only fancy one, both love me madly but only one fancies me, and thank God the fancies happen to coincide.

    Replies from the Boys themselves would probably be funnier, but I thought I’d give the real answer first.

    Enough answer for you, sheer baldfaced kaypoh? :P

  7. Hey! Now wait just a second. I don’t know what kaypohness is but I sure as hell don’t like this question. Michelle’s mom met both of us. She knows , just like Michelle knows just like I knows.

    Russ is not without his good points. He’s neat and……and punctual. But with me you get the whole package. There’s just no comparison.

    Besides, what you don’t see you don’t miss. And Russ is going to be missing for quite some time.

    “Taman Negara, why yes dear, Russ has gone to Taman Negara.”

    “How long? Oh he could be out there for years living with the natives. You know our Russ, how he likes to meddle in other peoples contented lives.”

    “The shovel. Oh, its for the little garden I’ve been digging. ”

    “The trench, well that’s where I planted my potatoes. Gotta fertilise them potatoes.”

  8. It’s 09:00 and I’ve just returned from Taman Negara and the Perhentian Islands. I notice Alec’s shoes at the door as I enter the apartment. Russ sits at Alec’s dining table and calls Michelle.

    Me: Hi Michelle. Sorry if I’ve just woken you. When did you get to sleep?

    Michelle: It’s okay. I got to bed at 06:00.

    Me: Oh, well, when are you planning on getting up?

    Michelle: I’d like to sleep at least until 12:00. (Snip mumbling by Michelle.)

    Me: Okay, ummm, well give me a call when you get up.

    Michelle: Will you be okay in the meantime?

    [Russ pauses to consider Alec’s comment again.]

    Me: Uh, yeahhhh… I’ll be okay. I’ve got things to keep me busy…

    [Russ walks to his bedroom, puts his bags down, notices a steak knife on the table and picks it up.]

    Me: Steak knife? Why did I put a steak knife in here?

    [Russ turns to the hallway and notices Alec’s bedroom door is shut.]

    Me: (Alec?…)

  9. Other Mich — Russ’s taste leans in both directions and is currently in a two-year+ relationship with a guy.

    Whilst Russ’s taste has leant in Michelle’s direction, Russ’s taste, however, has never leant in Alec’s direction. If Russ’s taste did did, it might /accidentally/ fall into Alec and whilst in freefall /accidentally/ kick him in the stomach, or some other /accidental/ knee-jerk reaction to prevent myself from falling over.

    Me: Alec! You’re head is moving at high-speed towards my fist! Move out of the way!… Oh, no! It’s too late! *BFFF!!!*

    Yeah, with Alec you get the whole package. Although, whilst in transit the package didn’t cope very well with life’s challenges and so when it arrived at its destination it had, DAMAGED GOODS, stamped all over it.

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