I was going to write about my steady progress at Chinese karaoke, but really, my trials and tribulations with Eason Chan’s The King Of Karaoke and Stephanie Sun’s Ti Or Or are simply far less amusing than the towering pinnacle of comedy that is the chee bai song. (Translation of “chee bai” here.)
I should clarify: that isn’t actually its name. It has a perfectly normal name in Chinese, which probably means something sappy and innocuous like Our Love Endures Through The Seasons or Without Your Love I May Be Heartbroken But At Least I Can Sing Really Sad Songs About My Loss And Look Suitably Vulnerable In The Video, but after last Sunday it is forever The Chee Bai Song to me.
This is how it goes. It’s simple but effective. They (Terry and pal) sing this sappy ballad with great feeling, but substitute “chee bai” at appropriate parts. So:
“Wo xian zai deng dai ni de hui lai” (I am waiting for your return) becomes
“Wo xian zai deng dai ni de chee bai” (I am waiting for your cunt).
At the big chorus:
“Leng leng de bing yu zai lian shang hu luan de pai” (Cold cold icy rain haphazardly slaps my face) becomes
“Leng leng de chee bai zai lian shang hu luan de pai” (Cold cold icy cunt haphazardly slaps my face).
And so on. You kind of have to be there.
Mind you, their subversive approach to karaoke classics isn’t merely confined to the world of Chinese balladry. A rendition of Boyz II Men’s I’ll Make Love To You went something like “I’ll make love to you/Like you want me to/And I’ll hold you tight/Fuck you RIGHT FROM BEHIND I’ll make love to you etc.”
First belly-laughs in a long while, which probably says something less than flattering about me or my sense of humour.