Hips Don’t Lie

In a small Siam Square boutique selling office wear, I noticed that the friendly sales assistant serving me had a prominent Adam’s apple, low husky voice, and gargantuan feet spilling out of her strappy heels.

I picked out a top I wanted to try on. “This one, got my size?”

She approached me with a tape measure, encircled my shoulder blades with it dramatically, and measured my bust. “Okay,” she nodded.

I picked out a skirt I wanted to try on. “This one, also got my size?”

She approached me with a tape measure, encircled my butt with it dramatically, and measured my hips. “OOOOO!” she giggled, covering her mouth as her mascara’d eyelashes fluttered in alternate shock and glee.

“Sorry ma’am, this one don’t have large size.”


  1. My friend went into a shop in Thailand. Her entry prompted the nearest salesperson enthusiastically slap his own thighs and chant, “TOO BIG! TOO BIG!” I have heard tell of many similar incidents. This appears to be an ingrained element of the nation’s culture.

  2. I really don’t understand it. Big hips? *What* hips?

    (NB: I feel fat in Asia. I am tiny and slinky here.)

  3. Nat: Big enough to have recently outgrown most of my existing skirts and trousers. I think it’s due to the combination of my job being very sedentary, and me loving food.

    I’m not particularly happy at the prospect of having to replace large swathes of my wardrobe, so am hoping to lose just enough weight for them to fit me right again. Don’t worry, I won’t become a stick like almost every girl in Singapore, I just want to be able to wear pretty fitted dresses (currently problematic because my bottom half’s bigger than my top half) again!

    [Although once the weight’s down we still have the problem of the ugly eczema run riot, which means the pretty fitted dresses have to have calf-length skirts. :( ]

  4. What happened to wanting ghetto bootay?

    My fellow workmate split 3 of his trousers in the last month and a half. And the other pair he’d ordered had to be let out. He’s finally conceeded he may not be a 30″ waist.

    And no comment about shop assistants is complete wihthout linking to this.

  5. That reminds me, we had a Taiwaneese chap in a while back, and he bought a 36 suit, and had to have it taken in a ton. I think he was a 27″ waist or something ridiculous.

  6. I hear you on the sedentary… I got all podgy in my first year of ‘proper’ work! Apparently cortisol makes you put on fat around your middle (that was my excuse, anyway).

    Stick is so not an appealing proposition, so it’s good to hear you’re not thinking of losing the bootay completely.

    I still maintain the ‘*what* hips’? exclamation though.

  7. James: Ghetto bootay is fine, but ghetto bootay without ghetto boobays and in ill-fitting clothes is unattractive, and I really don’t feel like replacing several suits and several pairs of trousers unless your brother feels like sponsoring it…

    Nat: The hips and ass were fine the last time you saw me, but that was a while ago and they’re definitely bigger now.

    A stick-thin friend started making jibes at me the other day (when I mentioned to her that I wanted to lose a little weight) for selling out and abandoning my principles or whatever. I only just barely choked back “Honey, the last thing I want in the world is to have your body.” So don’t worry, there are no size sixes in my future.

  8. i believe i was a XXXL when I was in Bangkok. but with vanity sizing here in the US, I’m back down to a M. You can imagine how large I am. I remembered that you were always very thin in KC. I can’t imagine that you would have managed to put on that much more weight, voracious appetite or not.

  9. Arrrh, I bet you look great, large arse or no arse at all.

    My mother-in-law, bless her, was sorting out some clothes once and was putting some aside that she thought I would be able to fit into. Alvin protested that a pair of shorts looked far too big. Her response was ‘She’s got bum what’

    In other news, TS and Miss S have started selling size 4s now… (for the tweenie market, mind)

  10. Ahh, your hips may well be L but haven’t you felt more voluptous in your entire life?! Suddenly the humble 34B gets a major boost to almost-porn status of 36Cs! (It’s such an upgrade!)

    My bet is 50% of all bangkok sales are targetted at the foreigner(s) who aren’t as petite as the Thais themselves. I wonder why they haven’t bothered to upsize their clothing accordingly.

Comments are closed.