Feeling Bullish

It begins again, but surprisingly, I don’t feel the need to say “too soon”.

I still emerge from the torturous number 10 bus to/from NUS feeling like Rip Van Winkle. I still wander around campus feeling translucent and disconnected, as if hoping my real university will come one day to rescue me and take me home.

But none of it is feeling as bad as it did. My Tuesday evening class in Corporate Finance Law actually looks like it will be interesting. Admittedly, during this morning’s excruciatingly boring Evidence lecture I was attached to consciousness only by an increasingly brittle thread, and view my even earlier starts on Thursday and Friday with justifiable trepidation, but even here I am trying to Make The Best Of Things and am hoping this might force my body clock into something less like a prostitute’s.

I’ve found out I got a better grade in last semester’s moot course than about half the people who got into the teams I viewed as more prestigious. This challenges the assumptions underlying a lot of my previous angst about letting myself down through bad performance.

Ming + FS’s Hell’s Kitchen sounds awesome from my new speakers. That has absolutely nothing to do with university but let’s be holistic here.

Most importantly, I’m finally coming round to the view that it has all been, and will be, for the best.

In hindsight, there is almost nothing I would be willing to exchange for the 16 days I could devote to being with Alec when he was here – a freedom that would simply not have been possible if I’d got on the moot team I originally wanted. Distance is still a bitch, but over the next few months it will hopefully become our bitch now that Alec’s going to get broadband.

For the first time in years, I’ve bothered with New Year’s resolutions. Going lindy-hopping again, improving my bowling score, learning to drive, keeping in touch with friends, drinking equal amounts of pure water for all other drinks I have, and taking positive steps to combat my eczema seem realistic enough, and will all make me much happier in Singapore if acted upon.

In the meantime, there are Chinese karaoke songs to perfect, (apparently) a dirt cheap bar in Suntec City to enjoy with Terry and other like-minded lushes, a poetry festival in the offing, rare Múm mp3s available for download on their site, and a beloved boyfriend to call, right now, in fact. Peace out.


  1. Irish telecom is shite so please just bear with me.

    Ahh, I’m beginning to bring my telesales talk home with me..

  2. Really glad to hear things are looking up. Also glad to hear your New Year resolutions are actually productive and rewarding – the only one I’ve made so far this year is a resolution to learn how to cough up phlegm. Well, I suppose that’s productive in another way.

    I have a sparkling social life, aye.

  3. After nearly a month, this blog seems to be returning to the joyous, self indulgent, contrived hights, which make it a damn good read. “..attached to consciousness by an increasingly brittle thread….justifiable trepidation..force my body clock into something less like a prostitute’s”

    Over this Christmas period I have sometimes indulged a tingling of pleasure at the pausity of quality postings and whispered to myself “tee hee, this is all because of me. Meeee, I’m the distraction”.

    A paltry attempt at vain glory I admit, but not all men are born to be firemen.

    I am tempted to qualify this latest posting with a number of ideas:

    -mild sceptism as to new years resolutions.

    -contrast with year round lack of resolution chez moi

    -add my thoughts on our time together.

    But all this must wait. At least until I know why on earth anyone would want to learn how to cough up phlem? The streets of my town are full of ugly, pimply youth, spitting mucously, green globules on the pavements. Admitidly some have developed keen abilities as marksmen. Why not take up some other hobby Nat?

  4. I take it that was Alec, whose comments I’m dying to hear.

    Mich – can I officially register my doubts as to the liklihood of “drinking equal amounts of pure water” lasting more than 4 days?

  5. Good luck with all that, especially with the long-distance relationship. (I’m hoping saying this will be good for my karma and pay off later this year when I’ll be going through the same thing.)

    Have to say the programme for the poetry festival looks pretty boring to me, though. Usual East/West angst.

  6. A hobby, you say… I’m not *that* pressed for entertainment! Honest guv, the resolution was purely to rid myself of this

  7. Alec’s not a fireman???

    what?… i’m stunned i totally thought he was!!


    i think you should nominate another new years resolution and not come even close to doing it. (just to make all the rest of us losers feel better)(and by losers i don’t mean ireland are crap at rugby)

  8. Nat: Sorry to hear about the untimely phlegm. I’m sure you were well taken care of by Alvin though!

    Tamara: SO FAR SO GOOD with the water resolution, SO THERE. I now hate water even more than I ever did, but that’s beside the point…

    Nicholas: While adapting to my abrupt transition from London to this relative cultural desert, the one mantra I’ve tried to internalize over the past few months is: take what you can get.

    Brian: Re: Alec not being a fireman, I know he does wear the same clothes a lot, but no, that’s not a uniform!

  9. The reason for the misunderstanding n Fireman is probably because of my work on ‘Hot Firemen 2003’. I’m afraid, Brian, that not all of us were actually firemen.

    A number of the previous comments have been asking for my views on Singapore. I’m starting to put some thoughs together and will pop them up sometime soon.

Comments are closed.