Beau Selecta

Alec asked if he could bring me anything back from Ireland.

Sadly, my first request for my Holy Grail concealer (Almay’s Amazing Lasting) couldn’t be fulfilled, because the product’s been discontinued.

My second request was for vinyl records. Since finishing my lessons with Koflow, I’ve neither practised nor made any progress on researching a decks purchase. The latter because I’m still hung up about how it will be THE MOST EXPENSIVE THINGY I WILL EVAR HAVE BOUGHT, and the former because I feel bad about always having to borrow Koflow’s records every time I practise.

To facilitate Alec’s task, I sent him a list to work with. When he showed it to the record store guy, the record store guy gently explained that although the stuff on the list was really great and diverse, it was all over a year old and not in stock any more. (Yes, this stung.) So given that I couldn’t pull another list out of my arse at short notice, I took a huge leap of faith and said, “You know what, dear? You choose for me.”

I have not usually been the kindest judge of Alec’s taste in music and most other things, apart from his choice of a wife. If he likes music I think is good, I assume it must be because he has absorbed my impeccable taste. If he likes music I think is bad, I take this as evidence of his own actual paucity of taste. So this is a big moment for us, a mark of our maturity as a couple. Here is an example of our maturity:

Alec: Well, even if you don’t like the records I’ve bought, I like them so I’ll enjoy listening to them.
Me: Sure, you go ahead and have fun listening to them ON TURNTABLES WE DON’T HAVE! I WANT TURNTABLES BUY ME TURNTABLES PLEEEEEASE!

Alec returns on 28th September, and I await my records with trepidation. Best case scenario, they’re great practice material and stuff I can even bring along to play if I do any more public slots. Worst case scenario, the next time I do a public slot, it’s like that scene from Three Men And A Baby where they’re throwing a big party for cool people and when Tom Selleck goes to change the music he accidentally puts on Ernie singing Rubber Duckie instead and as every person in the place turns to look at him, bemused, he does this awkward non-committal little dance.

11 Comments

  1. I’ve perused the records he bought and they’re all good except for the accapella record, which is rubbish. :D

    My local Cash Converters has quite alot of 2nd hand turntables (with mixer) for around 250 euro. I’m tempted but I think I’d need to bring someone with me who knows what the fuck they’re doing because they could be knackered.

    By the way, the comment text is way too small.

  2. Hey James,

    I already mentioned to Michelle that you approved my choice of records. Her only comment was, “Uh oh!”. :D

    I tell you what Michelle, but you have some cheek. I could summarise this post as, “Alec paid for my dj lessons, has bought me my records and should buy me some decks. But his judgement can not be trusted.” Well, I’ll have you know miss, that the guy in the shop said you were TWO years out of date. We’ve only been married one year and that’s all I have to say about that!

  3. Alec: OH YEAH? Well, we may only have been married one year but we’ve been together for SEVEN. In hindsight, I guess I should just be grateful that my music tastes lasted beyond 2001. I bet Afroman’s Because I Got High vinyl might be even harder for you to find now than the stuff on my list.

    (Sorry everyone, he’s still in Ireland so we’ve been misisng our usual battles. Once he’s home I promise I’ll snipe at him in private again.)

    James: Yes, sorry about comment text size – I’ve realized it seems to be an IE problem. And don’t listen to your brother’s evil lies, he’s just trying to drive a wedge between us! I’m really glad you liked the T-shirt. :)

  4. Here in college we like to give a finger to browser security and run unpatched IE6. Oldschool!

    Had a look around Cork and I’m afraid it’s impossible to find good acapella records. Going to me a case of mo marriage mo problems. All eyez on your record selection Alec.

  5. Re. the Almay, what shade is it and how much was it when you used to buy it? If I find some I’ll bring some back for you come December :)

  6. Christ on a bike… you’ve been concealing the Holy Grail all this time?

    Damnit, maybe I’d have spotted it had they not removed “30s Adventure Hero Studies” from the UCL archaeology syllabus under charges of implicit racism and imperialism.

    You can’t fool me with all of this talk of “records” and “decks” and “Alec going to Ireland”. Its all some sort of code, isn’t it?

  7. monopod: Aw, thanks! I gather from other comments I’ve seen online that it is really and truly discontinued, and it isn’t just a weird Ireland thing, but if you should happen to come across some dusty stock (Almay Amazing Lasting concealer, shade 03 / medium, can’t quite remember the price but it was probably about 6 or 7 pounds) in a struggling non-chain pharmacy somewhere, my eyebags will be eternally grateful!

    John: I hadn’t discovered it yet during our university days. I’m sure you’d have noticed if I had, if not from the immaculate under-eye area, at least from the choirs of angels following me round.

  8. Ok not quite being supportive of the struggling non-chain pharmacy somewhere but you gotta do what you gotta do when you’re mostly stuck at home with lousy weather and a baby… doncha love great deals with free postage on ebay?

    One Almay Amazing Lasting concealer in medium nearly in hand to bring back in December.

    Actually, do you want any more tubes? I should be able to get more if you want to stock up.

  9. I also forgot to say that I’ll pretend not to be envious of your immaculate under-eye area once you have the concealer in your grubby grip. I never knew you could have triple eyebags. Did think about trying out this amazing Almay doohickey but alas have now realised that nothing short of spackle is going to do the trick.

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