All Your Merchandising Base Are Belong To Us
Here are some Revenge Of The Sith products I think someone should make.
- Chia Kenobi: Adaptable to Chia ZZ Top or Chia Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart if you get tired of Star Wars hype.
- Cabbage Patch Padme: Am I the only one who thinks that the most awe-inspiring special effect in the movie was how ugly they managed to make Natalie Portman?
- General Grievous photo holder: Holds 4 Kodak moments.
- Star-Crossed Lovers Hallmark cards: For all true romantics, now with exclusive Anakin/Padme dialogue not featured in the final cut of the movie: “You hang up.” “No, you hang up.” “You!” “You!” (Nausea not included.)
- Darth Gyrater: Responds to shitty film-making with swivelling “NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” action.
- SimSellout: How much merchandising opportunities can you spot and exploit in one Star Wars movie? Only the shameless survive.
[I actually enjoyed the film quite a lot, it’s just that for me taking the piss out of Star Wars is a big part of the fun of Star Wars.]
I totally agree on the Natalie Portman thing. Seriously, how the hell did they make her look so incredibly ugly?
Well, when my flatmate first watched Being John Malkovitch from start to finish, I said sometihng to the same effect about Cameron Diaz, and he said ‘She wasn’t in it, was she?’. Haven’t seen Star Wars 3 yet though. I bet I’m the only person on here who thinks they are movies for kids, and should be treated with the same contempt as Harry Potter, by people over 13. I bet I’m also in a minority about my contempt for Harry Potter too…
Ditto on the Natalie Portman point. I don’t recall which scene it was at but I think it was some fairly dramatic scene between Padme and Anakin (or possibly Obi-Wan) and it was obviously supposed to be a serious moment… but my friends watching with me cracked up when I blurted out, “is she wearing a carpet???!”
As far as I can recall, it’s the first time bad dressing completely and utterly distracted me from what was going on.