Best Of #SingaporeShadesOfGrey: A Long Hard Entry

Before this, I was a virgin. A Twitter trend virgin, that is. Being fairly new to Twitter I’d just not got into the habit of checking trending topics, but happened to spot #SingaporeShadesOfGrey as it was gaining momentum and realized it was right up my alley.

Kudos to the inimitable Mr Brown for starting the hashtag and providing some of its funniest examples. He’s collected his tweets and some others (including one of mine!) at his blog already, but when I read the list I felt a little dissatisfied that others I’d enjoyed hadn’t been included. Well, as many women know, you need to take charge of your own pleasure rather than always relying on a man to do it for you. So I made my own list.

The tweets I personally found funniest tended to be the ones with recognizably Singaporean references in them rather than generic double entendres which could be made about life in any other country. Unsurprisingly, two of the things that Singaporeans talk about the most (no, not Fiona Xie’s boobs) emerged as major themes in the trend, so I’ve presented them as collections here. However, some magnificently filthy non-Singapore-specific ones did also manage to squeeze their way in.

I should also mention that this isn’t at all a comprehensive list. Due to the difficulties of researching such a wildly popular hashtag on Twitter, where tweets for this trend were coming fast and furious for several hours, there was only so much energy I had to go down the list before my fingers got tired, so if I’ve missed out some of your favourites, feel free to share them in the comments!

Food-themed:

Luscious lips parted sensually as she brought the long column of flesh to her mouth. “Satay, I love satay!”#singaporeshadesofgrey

— Stuart Lee (@sleetm) July 9, 2012

“I jingled my 2 balls with a pair of chopstick.” Takoyaki. #singaporeshadesofgrey

— Singaporean Tweets (@AkuSingaporean) July 9, 2012

“I want your nuts,” she said to the kacang puteh seller. #singaporeshadesofgrey

— Azmi Danuri (@azmidanuri) July 9, 2012

The warm liquid hit the back of her throat, she immediately gagged and spluttered. “WA LAO, this laksa so spicy one!” #singaporeshadesofgrey

— Lakeisha Leo (@KeiHargreeves) July 9, 2012

It was big. She ran her tongue down its length, and sucked. Licking her lips savoring its juices “1 more tulang pls” #singaporeshadesofgrey

— sara ann k (@saraannk) July 9, 2012

He pulled at it repeatedly. It excited him to do so with an audience. She marveled at his skill and paid for her teh. #SingaporeShadesOfGrey

— Leah Kanan (@EmbryonicPith) July 9, 2012

#singaporeshadesofgrey He probed, gently at first, then deeper and more forcefully, till he dug all the buah keluark out.

— FunkyShine (@adrianwongfs) July 9, 2012

She whimpered in pain, this was more than her ass can handle. It was sore, swollen. Fucking mcspicy! #singaporeshadesofgrey

— Anisah Azmi (@anniezmi) July 9, 2012

He carefully slid his fingers into the soft moist slit, to pry open the durian shell. #singaporeshadesofgrey

— Wakka Kong (@wakkaismusing) July 9, 2012

Transport-themed:

Ur eyes and mine met and we both know that one thing tt we wan… Tt vacant MRT seat #singaporeshadesofgrey

— Owyang Dean (@Owyang_Dean) July 9, 2012

I looked into her eyes . I could smell her. As both of us were crushed by the packed train carriage during peak hour. #Singaporeshadesofgrey

— PROTECTORS (@_dxraz) July 9, 2012

He insisted on entering it from the rear, but was exposed as he was shouted at to use the front by the loud SBS aunty #SingaporeShadesOfGrey

— sir ryan (@raiyearn) July 9, 2012

As I entered the cavernous hole, I felt a slight jerk or two, before I came, to a screeching halt.The MRT broke down #singaporeshadesofgrey

— Muhd Syuhada(@Exuhuch) July 9, 2012

Slowly pulled it out and continuously tapping it, and realized that I seriously need to top up my ezlink card. #singaporeshadesofgrey

— baby boy (@txgerp4ws) July 9, 2012

She felt around for that familiar spot inside her soft velvety interior.Next time must remember bring ezlink.#singaporeshadesofgrey

— Grady Ng (@gradyjasonng) July 9, 2012

“I’m coming! I’m coming”, I screamed. But summon auntie has already issued the ticket. #singaporeshadesofgrey

— Alex Kwa (@alexkwa) July 9, 2012

He pulled out quickly, heaving a sigh of relief. Their gazes locked. “Too late,” she said with a smile. Summon Auntie #singaporeshadesofgrey

— sara ann k (@saraannk) July 9, 2012

General Singaporeana:

It was her first time being with four men, and she had every reason to be nervous. Unlawful assembly. #singaporeshadesofgrey

— ben (@benchandsteak) July 9, 2012

She gasped in disappointment. His package was so small. “This kind also can call GST relief ah?” #singaporeshadesofgrey

— Alvin Tan (@fairevil) July 9, 2012

Later at night, I applied oil all over her….I stuck it in and out…faster and faster…Cleaning rifle in bunk. #singaporeshadesofgrey

— Timothy Joshua (@timoteijosh) July 9, 2012

“Take my load!” The boy commanded. “Take it all!” As the NS boy handed the fullpack to his maid. #singaporeshadesofgrey

— JayWalk (@voxeros) July 9, 2012

This was more painful than all the times he had used those whips on her. “Stop! Stop making me watch China Wine!” #Singaporeshadesofgrey

— Viv(ienne) (@rightclick5ave) July 9, 2012

She was already wet then a sudden intense gush soaked everything in the way…. PUB called it “ponding”. #singaporeshadesofgrey

— JayWalk (@voxeros) July 9, 2012

Her legs shook as waves of pleasure rocked her body. Then e salesman asked,”Auntie, u buying this Osim chair or not?” #singaporeshadesofgrey

— Ervin Han (@ErvinHan) July 9, 2012

He had been waiting for a long time now to see her bush. “Yes,” she told him. “Gardens by the Bay is finally open.” #singaporeshadesofgrey

— Aloysius Low (@longadin) July 9, 2012

“Wow, you’re so wet”, he said. “Yah lah, outside so sunny then suddenly rain”, she replied. #singaporeshadesofgrey

— Rachell Tan (@pxdkitty) July 9, 2012

Not specifically Singapore-related but pretty damn good:

I led my finger through the folds, it flaps back as I glide my finger across. It is wet. The fish is fresh. #singaporeshadesofgrey

— Keith Lau (@htieklau) July 9, 2012

His hands moved faster and faster, gripping the shaft tighter as the moment came. “Time’s up, put down your pens.” #singaporeshadesofgrey

— melvin toh (@meowvinn) July 9, 2012

He smeared the thick, white, milky liquid all over her face and whispered “After the mask I do extraction hor’ #singaporeshadesofgrey

— Soh Yun-Huei (@despair78) July 9, 2012

Some amusing “meta” tweets about the trend:

“OHHHH YESSSSSS” I cried. When I finally understood what #singaporeshadesofgrey was about.

— Joshua Ryan Lowe (@jloweeeee) July 9, 2012

I know I should get some sleep, but I cannot suppress my uncontrollable urges.. to check out the latest #singaporeshadesofgrey tweets ?

— S (@snakescapes) July 9, 2012

Great to end the day by reading tweets on #singaporeshadesofgrey You all damn good leh, make me come again and again, to refresh my account!

— June ?? (@sengkangauntie) July 9, 2012

Lastly, here are my own cuntcontributions:

She had worked in Geylang so many hot, steamy, sticky nights. Ladling out tau huay. #SingaporeShadesOfGrey

— Michelle Syntaxfree (@syntaxfreeblog) July 9, 2012

“You’ve been a bad girl and need to be punished,” he hissed. “Pity we only cane male vandals.” #SKLO #SingaporeShadesOfGrey

— Michelle Syntaxfree (@syntaxfreeblog) July 9, 2012

He bent her double and treated her like the expensive ride she was. To him, the Brompton bike was worth it. #SingaporeShadesOfGrey

— Michelle Syntaxfree (@syntaxfreeblog) July 9, 2012

They tumbled to the ground, locked in animal passion. Thus began Ah Meng’s dynasty. #SingaporeShadesOfGrey

— Michelle Syntaxfree (@syntaxfreeblog) July 9, 2012

Her face was dripping from the powerful spurts. She had walked into the Bugis fountain by mistake. #SingaporeShadesOfGrey

— Michelle Syntaxfree (@syntaxfreeblog) July 9, 2012

“He screwed me like no one ever has before,” she gasped. “And that’s why I left City Harvest Church.” #CHC #SingaporeShadesOfGrey

— Michelle Syntaxfree (@syntaxfreeblog) July 9, 2012

“I want it long and hard,” said LKY. “Or else National Service won’t prepare our army for war.” #SingaporeShadesOfGrey

— Michelle Syntaxfree (@syntaxfreeblog) July 9, 2012

“I want to feel utterly helpless and submissive,” she whispered. “Our pleasure,” replied the government. #SingaporeShadesOfGrey

— Michelle Syntaxfree (@syntaxfreeblog) July 9, 2012