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Whatever Colours You Have In Your Mind

Via J-Walk, I enjoyed this summary of what goes on during Bob Dylan's radio show.

Here are all the topics on which he's given out Useful Tips:

• How to Hang Dry Wall
• What to Pack When You're Traveling
• How to Walk Like A Runway Model
• How to Give Yourself Dreadlocks

Here are some quotes. Almost all are very endearing, it was tough to pick just a few:

• "The distinctive voice of Aaron Neville. A lot of people think we sing the same."
• Re: Tex William's Brother Drop Dead - "Some people die too soon. Others, you're kind of hoping. Tex Williams has a song for such a situation."
• Re: Howlin' Wolf - "This next song is entirely without flaw and meets all the supreme standards of excellence."
• "The harmonica is the world's best-selling musical instrument. You're welcome." (I've never met anyone else who agrees with me on this, but I'm not ashamed to say it - I love the sound of the harmonica! And it's pretty much because of Bob Dylan.)
• "A giraffe can go a long time without water. But he wants to see a menu right away."

After reading all this I instantly wanted to listen to him, but unfortunately all my Dylan albums are still back in my old room at my family's place. I haven't moved my CD collection over yet because, well, there's no shelf over here capable of accommodating it. Perhaps a trip to IKEA this weekend...

Whatever Colours You Have In Your Mind

Via J-Walk, I enjoyed this summary of what goes on during Bob Dylan's radio show.

Here are all the topics on which he's given out Useful Tips:

• How to Hang Dry Wall
• What to Pack When You're Traveling
• How to Walk Like A Runway Model
• How to Give Yourself Dreadlocks

Here are some quotes. Almost all are very endearing, it was tough to pick just a few:

• "The distinctive voice of Aaron Neville. A lot of people think we sing the same."
• Re: Tex William's Brother Drop Dead - "Some people die too soon. Others, you're kind of hoping. Tex Williams has a song for such a situation."
• Re: Howlin' Wolf - "This next song is entirely without flaw and meets all the supreme standards of excellence."
• "The harmonica is the world's best-selling musical instrument. You're welcome." (I've never met anyone else who agrees with me on this, but I'm not ashamed to say it - I love the sound of the harmonica! And it's pretty much because of Bob Dylan.)
• "A giraffe can go a long time without water. But he wants to see a menu right away."

After reading all this I instantly wanted to listen to him, but unfortunately all my Dylan albums are still back in my old room at my family's place. I haven't moved my CD collection over yet because, well, there's no shelf over here capable of accommodating it. Perhaps a trip to IKEA this weekend...

Intervizzle

I have never had much patience for people who dismiss hip-hop as being only about gangstas, bitches and hos, or people who like poetry (especially slam poetry) but don't extend the same regard or respect to rap. It smacks of ignorance and laziness, like someone picking up A Clockwork Orange and concluding it sucks within the first few pages because they don't get all the weird language about droogs and devotchkas.

Snoop Dogg has always been a problem for my campaign, not least when I was still in London, listening to Still Dre in my room in the Catholic hall and the elderly nun who ran the place knocked on the door to discuss something with me - during a perfectly timed lull in the conversation while I was standing in the doorway talking to her, my speakers loudly proclaimed "It's the motherfuckin' D O double G / Snoop Dogg, mothaFUCKAS!!!" Still, despite myself I rather enjoyed this interview (Emma Forrest) in The Guardian. Excerpt:

I have worn scuffed Converse, boy jeans and a T-shirt to this interview because I didn't want Snoop to look at me sexually. And yet I find myself asking the next question, when the publicist pops her head in to say "two more minutes". I stare at him, staring at himself and it comes out like Tourette's.

"What would be my market value, if you were still pimping?"

Snoop looks up, with interest, for the very first time. He looks at my face, my hair. He appears to do a sum in his head.

"Stand up real quick, let me see."

And I do.

"Oh! You built nice! You built like a black girl! You been sitting on a fortune. You need the right person to represent you, get the connection. You could be in the $4,000 range."

Snoop was right. Us Jews do have all the money. All the time I had been wondering where mine was, when it was right behind me.

Gorilla Marketing

Ads like this really make me miss watching TV in the UK. Gorilla and Phil Collins' In The Air Tonight have a moment, and very tangentially, Cadbury tries to sell some chocolates. (Via Mayee.)

American Anticlimax

I wrote a rant last night about how abysmal the American Idol finale was and then fell asleep without saving it. Sorry, I know most people are too cool to love American Idol - once I get this out of my system I promise I'll get back to writing about indie music.

Blake:

• You Give Love A Bad Name: Ballsy the first time, blah the second time. Vocals were terrible and he was clearly out of breath.
• She Will Be Loved: Case study in the blandness that is Blake. The same dumb preppy clothes he wears every week, the same dead eyes, emotionless face and flat reedy voice. Also an awful song choice strategy-wise - if your third song's already a treacly ballad, why do the same with the second?
• This Is My Now: Look, I know you think you're soooo much better than this song and you want everyone to know it too but honey, even unicellular organisms are better than this crappy song. Suck it up, lose your "I listen to underground hip-hop" pretensions and sing the hell out of it. You're not an artist, you're a layer in the American Idol cheesecake.

Jordin:

• Fighter: Picking a song by an artist who can outsing and outperform you any day of the week isn't the best way to show you're a "fighter". It's more like you're pogoing through the jungles of Vietnam and Christina Aguilera's the Vietcong.
• Broken Wings: I've never seen a performance of this on American Idol that wasn't pageanty slop, and this was no different.
• This Is My Now: At least she did her fake, shrieky best on it and on that laughably pathetic basis alone, she deserves to win American Idol.

Verdict: Blake threw in the towel, Jordin wins by default, and Michelle wishes she'd stayed in the karaoke pub drinking instead of coming home to watch this dreck.

Oh and let's not forget the final insult to injury for us poor viewers: a performance from Penishead Daughtry, still proving with his eyeliner and his posing that he's only about as edgy as the average ten year old girl.

Best part of the night? Finding out that Paula broke her nose because she tripped over her dog. I believe the "tripped" part, less so the "dog" part. Unless "dog" is slang in LA for "sack of crack".

Sexiest American Idol Weeks Evar

I really intended to start writing an All Tomorrow's Parties blog entry tonight, but then I watched my tape of Bon Jovi week on American Idol (I missed it two weeks ago because we were travelling) and there was no place left for experimental/alternative/indie music in my heart.

Because seriously, folks, in 6 seasons of American Idol weekly themes, this was my week. Bon Jovi may be namby-pamby pretty-boy hair-rock has-beens but I embrace all of that and feel no shame for loving them as much as I do. I know every song the contestants sang backwards and forwards (Chris R, how dare you forget the line "I've seen a million faces and I've ROCKED THEM ALL!") and the only reason I haven't made all my karaoke companions sick of Bon Jovi already is that they're just too damn tough to sing. (Metallica is way easier.)

Phil: Never cared much about him before but he did a great job with Blaze of Glory. For me, it was his best performance of the season and Simon was too harsh. Bye, Phil. I used to sing this song into my comb in front of the mirror too, but you sang it much better.

Jordin: Total trainwreck but at least she did really go for it during the performance, and she immediately acknowledged it was terrible once it was done. It did require just that little more suck to elevate it to sucktasticness (see: Kevin Covais's Crocodile Rock) though.

LaKisha: It took me a while to get to her actual performance because I rewatched the bit where Jon Bon Jovi explains to her how This Ain't A Love Song is the biggest love song there is about a million times. (See between 1.07-1.37 for the sweetness.) And then she nailed it and Simon kissed her. I was really sad when LaKisha went home last week, but now I've seen this? No bitch who gets lucky with Jon Bon Jovi and Simon Cowell on the same night deserves my sympathy.

Blake: Anyone who's seen enough beatboxing will know that any decent beatboxer could have arranged the song like that and any good beatboxer could have done something even better, but to do that on American freaking Idol on a night where 2 out of 6 are going to be eliminated took mighty massive balls. Of course, he probably also did it because he knew his singing alone wouldn't be strong enough to carry off a Bon Jovi song, but nonetheless I certainly can't accuse him of playing it safe with his solution.

Chris R: I don't think it is a good idea to demonstrate rock cred by singing like an actual goat, but perhaps Satan might beg to differ. I wouldn't have let this guy through his first audition and I'm glad he's finally gone.

Melinda: Okay, I'm officially in love with Melinda again. She was beginning to worry me by being too predictably good every week - always good but good in the same way - but this time she put loads of energy into working the stage and the guitarist, the vocals were smokin' and her "Rock on!" attempts were adorable. More Jon loveliness at the start too. I wanted to coat them both in sugar and eat them all up.

And this week, Elliott will be on the results show! This time last year I thought I might never hear him sing again so YAY ELLIOTT! I assume he'll be doing his new single rather than rehash anything he sang previously on the show, so I felt there was no harm revisiting some of those old performances tonight for old time's sake, except for the harm involved in it now being 2.11 AM.

1UP

I was wandering round City Plaza and spotted this shop.

I normally keep random camphone shots like this for my own amusement and don't bother to post them here, but since I only just discovered last week that you can play Super Mario Brothers and about a million other old console games online without having to do the whole emulator thing, I figured spotting the shop might have been a karmic directive from the cosmos to share the link. Just to make sure all your lives get ruined too, you understand.

Here I Go, Here I Go, Here I Go Again

Long-suffering is the man who queues up at the long-queue Punggol nasi lemak place on Tanjong Katong Road to ta pao for the sore-footed fiance lazing on the couch in his flat, watches 3 episodes of the X-Files with her while she squeals "AWWWW POOR SCULLLEEEEE...DEAD??! HE CAN'T BE DEAD!...HE'S ALIVE YAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!" (studying in England screwed up my X-Files viewing, so I haven't seen any episodes from the middle of season 8 onwards) intermittently throughout the evening and finally, sits calmly while said fiance gleefully searches out old Salt'N'Pepa videos on Youtube and raps to them because she fucking feels like it.

I bet you're thinking this is a poor excuse for a post, and so far, you would be right. But you see, although all of the above did happen, I wouldn't normally bother blogging about it. But then I found this:

Dork Love

Okay, so I really do have to come completely clean at some point about why I neglected this blog for several weeks. I was consumed with lust for a reality TV show contestant. To be exact, this man.

I didn't actually start off liking him much. I'm not keen on the Showcase swing dancing he specializes in - basically, lots of choreographed lifts and tricks - so I wasn't particularly impressed when I saw him dance one of his championship routines during his audition for the show. Plus, how do you take someone seriously whose actual, official name is "Benjiman"?

So when he started off the competitive rounds by being paired with gorgeous curvy hip-hop/jazz diva Donyelle for a booty-pumping Shane Sparks hip-hop routine, I was all ready for him to suck, but he totally didn't. This routine set the stage for what would be one of the most awesomely enjoyable seasons of reality TV I've ever watched (and I've watched a lot, y'all), and Benji and Donyelle went on from strength to strength with a rather delightful cha-cha, a pretty fierce (in the Tyra Banks sense) pop-jazz and a dreamy Viennese waltz. Benji also did some great dances with other people, like this joyful jazz routine with Natalie and two crazy slick Latin dances with his cousin Heidi, but my favourites are unquestionably the ones he did with Donyelle because I went crazy for their partnership in a way I haven't since Mulder and Scully. Yes, I'm fully aware this is a bizarre thing for a twenty-six year old to get sucked into, but talk to the hand.

I also started coming across Youtube videos which showcase what I really admire about Benji's dancing. Jack and Jill routines are almost always my favourite part of a swing dance event because I love being blown away by what good dancers can improvise on the spot, with a randomly assigned partner and music they haven't heard till they're standing on the dancefloor and it starts playing. This one's my favourite because halfway through it becomes obvious that he loves the same superstar dancer who ruled my teenage years. This one's got lots of nice slinky moves. It's frankly hard to believe this one isn't choreographed because they're so amazingly in sync, but I guess that's what you get when two swing champions get paired.

So perhaps you're thinking, this is all very well but I still don't get why this skinny dorky Mormon swing dancer constitutes her biggest celebrity crush of the past few years?

Other stuff that works for him is his endearingly goofy personality, and I admire the fact that he walked away at the peak of his dance career to serve a two-year Mormon mission in Mexico, then came back, set up a charity to continue helping their community, and reclaimed his US Open Showcase swing title the same year. Boy has heart, gumption and is ripped.

Magrittest T-Shirt Ever

Recently at Threadless, this hilarious tee. I won't be buying it because I've been a little too extravagant lately, but if you also happen to like surrealist art and Super Mario and fancy one for yourself, I'd really appreciate you buying it through the above link.

[By the way, as I said once before I don't do the whole referrer link thing unless I've already used and enjoyed using the shop in question.]

Zero G Funk

After months of good intentions thwarted by the forces of laziness, sleepiness, and car-lessness, we finally made our first visit to the Salvation Army thrift store at Bukit Timah and it won't be the last.

I can't show you pictures of the vintage sewing machine table Alec bought to put his computer on because it hasn't been delivered yet, so just take my word for it that it's incredibly charming.

I can, however, show you the record I bought for S$2.50.

His Name Is Elliott Yamin

He wasn't my favourite from the start, but how could he have been?

Until the top 24, the only real exposure he got was as a reluctant accessory to one of the Brittenum twins' many debacles. Katherine got attention for having a mother who was a voice teacher. Ayla got attention for having a father who was a senator. Paris got attention for having a grandmother who was a famous singer (but, to be fair, also for the most spinetinglingly awesome audition I've ever seen on the show). Kellie got attention for having a father in jail and, later on, for defying every stereotype anyone had ever had about dumb rednecks by being even dumber than imaginable. But Elliott Yamin, diabetic and 90% deaf in one ear, apparently still wasn't interesting enough to the American Idol producers to warrant any real exposure - at least, not until the Top 3 results show, when it was already too late.

And putting yourself into their shallow little heads, it was totally understandable. He's got bad teeth, no titties, and is a nice, genuine guy, and of course none of that makes for good TV. Despite his lack of traditional good looks, he's neither repulsively obese enough (Ruben Studdard) nor nerdy enough (Clay Aiken/Kevin Covais) to gain instant underdog sympathy - in fact, Taylor benefited much more from this right from the start, due to the grey hair and initial dismissal by Simon. Also, no all-consuming narcissism (Brenna). Also, no indication of serial killer tendencies (Scott Savol). What's a nice guy with none of these trainwreck qualities got to do to get some attention?

Elliott's answer to the question: Sing really really well all the time, including pulling off multiple fiendishly difficult songs with jaw-dropping ease. Sing songs you love, even if they're not famous crowd-pleasers and the producers advise you against singing them. And do it all with warmth in your eyes, graciousness and humility, and a vocal tone that made me and many other women want to charge on stage and ravish him.

Well, his strategy obviously didn't succeed in getting enough of America's attention, but he certainly got mine.

I was bug-eyed, speechless and embarrassingly in the mood for love after Moody's Mood For Love. Ready to enrol in teacher training college after Teach Me Tonight. Longing to go clubbing with him and dance like goofs after I Don't Wanna Be. Wondering what it must be like for his girlfriend to watch her man, all dressed up and looking soooo hot, singing A Song For You to millions, and know she can get a private performance any time she wants. Exquisitely troubled after Trouble. And after I Believe It To My Soul? To put it very simply, a believer - that whether Elliott gets a record deal or not, sells millions of albums or not, he will be fine.

It takes a remarkable ability to keep things in perspective to pick a risky song like that, unfamiliar to many (myself included), knowing full well that it could seal your fate unfavourably in the competition but go for broke anyway because you love it and you know you'll rock it. It was a great last song to be remembered by.

Please don't disappear into obscurity, Elliott. I can't bear the thought of never hearing you sing again. :(

Quadromemia

I'm not generally into memes unless they're about music but Little Miss Drinkalot tagged me, and at the moment answering the meme seems a lot easier than writing about King Kong, the Chronicles of Narnia (the movie plus, well, my entire childhood), the Lunarin gig we attended a couple of weeks ago, the Mormon who evangelized to us on the way there, the emergency surgery my family's second cat (not Casey, we have a newish outdoors one I never got round to writing about here) had to undergo this evening, or Truman Capote's The Grass Harp which is kicking my ass with its wonderfulness.

I avoid memes because they too easily become subterfuge for lack of content, but hey, today I'm using this meme to compensate for an excess of content! Which makes it okay! (Well not really, but I needed some token introductory paragraphs. Onwards.)

4 jobs you've had in your life

• Relief teacher (In my old school, Katong Convent. Loved it.)
• Tuition teacher (To one of my students there who needed a little extra help. Loved it.)
• Recording for an automated phone voice message system ($100 per hour! Pity it only took 2.)
• Lawyer (As part of my scholarship bond. It's fine so far.)

4 movies you could watch over and over

• Coming To America (Sexual Chocolate - best band name ever)
• This Is Spinal Tap ("They were still booing him when we came on stage.")
• Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me ("You are HAIRY! Like ANIMAL!")
• The English Patient (Gorgeous book, film, lead actor.)

[Very different answers would have been given if this had asked for my 4 favourite movies. I only tend to do multiple viewings of movies that make me laugh or make me horny, but I still love many films that do neither.]

4 TV shows you love(d) to watch

• The X-Files
• 'Allo 'Allo
• ________ Idol
• America's Next Top Model, baybee!

4 places you've lived

• Bedok, Singapore (5 years)
• Fitzrovia, London (1 year)
• Bloomsbury, London (3 years)
• Katong, Singapore (16 years and counting)

4 places you've been on vacation to

• Istanbul (among other places in amazing, amazing Turkey)
• Dubrovnik (totally worth every bit of energy and expense it took to get there)
• Berlin (apart from London, the most fascinating city I've been to)
• Krakow (you think you've heard it all before about Auschwitz, but you go there and realize that was all just...words)

4 places you would rather be

• London
• London
• London
• For variety's sake, Berlin. But it's really London.

4 of your favourite foods

• Salmon sashimi
• The McSpicy burger!
• Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia
• Garlic, any time any place any way

4 websites you visit daily

• I Love Music
• Ask Metafilter
• Lifehacker
• Cute Overload

4 tagged

• Matt (The Lounge Walrus) - done!
• Daryl
• The Erebus + Terror
• Notchet (Gadzooks! She tagged me almost simultaneously!)

[Don't worry, I totally won't be offended if you don't do memes and don't want to do this. But it's just that I'd be interested in your answers. :) ]