It’s not clear why the guy trying to sign up for online dating in this short skit confines his prospective dirty screen names to authors only, but I still laughed loudly and childishly.
And then of course, I had to come up with my own list of cuncontenders. Feel free to add yours!
- Walt Clitman
- Edith Whoreton
- David Spreaddings
- Don Dedildo
- Henry Wadsworth Shlongfellow
- Saul Bellowjob
- Honore de Ballsack
- John Bangville
- Rideher Haggard
- Doris Lezzing
- Haruki Murakumming
- Alexander Bushkin
Edit (29 Jan): More additions, contributed by John’s Jamie!
- Whoris Lezzing
- Salman Bushdie
- Bram Stroker
- Iain M Wanks
- William Ernest Fuckeray
- Franz Kafcock
- Edgar Allen Pube
- Vagina Woolf
- Cunter S. Thompson (my personal favourite)
- Wet Pissed-On Ellis
My addictions to computer games have always blatantly arisen as methods of escaping my true priorities and lapsed once I no longer have important things to be skiving. After each year’s university exams Dope Wars never seemed as riveting as I thought it was when studying land law had been the alternative. My addiction to Stars also turned out inversely proportional to the amount of civil procedure rules I had to finish studying. I only play Wordy when I’m struggling with a blog entry but can’t get it right. I’m always most successful at World Of Goo when I should be watering the plants, doing my ironing, or cleaning the house instead.
So why, on the first day of Chinese New Year, when I could be napping off the huge buffet lunch I just enjoyed with my family, or planning our upcoming trip to California (YAY!), or savouring The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, am I playing Sirtet nonstop??!!
I’m post-processing some photos with the intention of ordering postcards from Moo. (Wanna discount code, anyone? If you haven’t bought from them before and buy using the code EA2A2G before Jan 31, you get 20% off and I get a Flickr Pro account to replace my expired one, so it’s win-win.) And since the last time I asked you all for photography feedback the results were so interesting, I thought I’d get your views again.
Which version of this photo (snapped in the Arashiyama district of Kyoto) do you prefer? And if you were processing it, would you increase the contrast between the ray of light and the dark of the forest more than I have? Any other feedback on the photos or the processing is totally welcome, of course!
I picked up this tan belt on sale at Mango recently. I like using belts to cinch my waist and draw attention away from my wide hips and large ass.
I wore it for the first time the other day and asked Alec what he thought.
Me: You didn’t notice my new belt! Do you like it?
Alec: Yeah, it’s a great belt.
Me: *beams happily*
Alec: When you wear it, you can pretend you’re the WWF champion.
Me: *seethes, considers a clothesline followed by jump off the top turnbuckle with sharpshooter to finish*
Unrelated wrestling amusement: Mick Foley reviews The Wrestler for Slate.
Unrelated fashion amusement: Elyse (still my favourite Top Model contestant ever) spots some spectacular fake Coach bag fail (scroll down).
Joanna Kavenna’s Inglorious is one of the most ludicrous examples I’ve seen yet of the recent propensity (described here) of publishers to slap a chick lit cover on any book written by a woman or about a woman.
I’ll tell you a little more about the book before I unveil the frightful cover. It was a last-gasp addition to my 2008 reading list, picked up in the library because I was vaguely aware that it had won an Orange award and been mentioned in a few best-of-year reading lists.
The basic story is that its protagonist has a bit of an existential crisis one day and quits her well-paid job in journalism, after which things start going a bit pear-shaped for her. Her relationship ends and she stays with a succession of friends while going deeper and deeper into debt as she remains preoccupied with a “search for meaning”. Bit of an eyerolly plot, I know, but it is well-written and often amusing. Fellow GTD wannabes will recoil at her unwieldy to-do-lists (tasks like “Read the complete works of Hegel, Nietzsche and Kant”!) before sheepishly whipping out their own lists to rephrase similar next-action-lacking mistakes. Fellow snarky types will like the self-sabotaging exactitude with which she writes application letters for menial jobs. You can read this extract, which I don’t really think does the book justice, but you will at least gather from it that the writing is not dumbed down for anyone whose favourite author is Sophie Kinsella. I finished the book on Christmas Eve, and would give it three stars.
Now that the stage is set, behold the cover! By the way, poodles don’t feature in the book at all.
2009 has started with lots of small happy things for me, though it’s quite possible that a notable feelgoody achievement for me is a non-issue for someone more active and productive. Writing a letter, as in with a pen, on paper, to be sent in the post! Completing my Chiang Mai photobook only 2.5 years after the relevant holiday! Watching girls viciously beat each other up in a muay thai tournament at Golden Mile, while some of the best fried chicken I’ve had in a while (Diandin Leluk’s) was still travelling to my fat ass!
I wanted to add a photo to this entry to break up the text overload here lately, and with apologies to the boys, it’s not going to be the girl-on-girl action. Instead, here’s my favourite picture from another happy thing I started the year with, a night visit to the Southern Ridges aerial walk:
Follow the yellow bridge road
I had a look at last year’s New Year post, and was glad to see that I didn’t do too badly on following through with the resolutions. I made a fair bit more jewellery than the initial experiments I posted here, redesigned this blog, significantly upgraded my photo post-processing skills, opened a better savings account than my lousy POSB one, made a small low-risk investment and am considering a few more, and improved my insurance coverage. But sadly, I’m not sure whether I succeeded in exercising more, and if I did it was marginal.
The 2008 I was looking forward to also lived up to my expectations. It was a slightly indulgent and inward-looking year, admittedly, because I just loved spending time with Alec in our home and felt a little less motivated to go out. The downside of this is that I probably indulged the lazy introvert in me a bit too much and socialized less than is good for me; the upside is that when I did go out I enjoyed the events and good company to the full without feeling jaded, drained or financially stressed.
In 2009, apart from not totally falling off the wagon for last year’s resolutions, I’d like to:
- Get better at this DJ thing: I’ve got the turntables, am waiting for the mixer I want to arrive in January, and once that’s here I will practice practice practice!
- Re-establish contact with long-distance friends I’ve been terrible at keeping in touch with: Although my life is blissful, it doesn’t make for interesting email fodder so I put off writing emails because I feel bored stiff by my own writing. And although I would love to know how my friends are doing, it feels lazy to keep asking if I can’t even be bothered to reciprocate with something substantial about myself. My strategy going forward will be to start with shorter, more random, but more numerous emails in the hope that this will at least be an improvement from my previous paralysis.
- Take better control of my sleep: I am a night person and can’t change myself into a morning person, but I can certainly stop staying up late surfing aimlessly when I’m not even absorbed in anything I’m seeing, and I can also stop lying in bed till noon on weekends out of sheer inertia rather than real tiredness. I’m really reluctant to adopt this resolution, to be honest, because it feels like growing up – but there it is.
