Archive for February, 2004

A Sucker For Some Things

These links are loosely related by their cute cartoony content. (Stop rolling your eyes.)

  • Calvin & Hobbes Snow Art Gallery
  • I suppose there are hipper cartoon strips to be reading than Garfield, but I’ve always had a soft spot for it. There are literally hundreds if not thousands of Garfield strips that I love, but these are some from recent months that I’m rather fond of. (I must admit, the personal draw of the last two for me is that they quite accurately reflect my average daily wakefulness, or lack thereof.)
  • The Difference Between Europe And Italy is obviously inspired by the South Park School Of Extreme Low-Tech Animation, and manages to be just as appealing if not quite as offensive, except perhaps to Italians.
  • Animals On The Underground will charm Londoners a little more than others, but its genius deserves to be highlighted for all. (Out of curiosity, I tried to do the same thing with the Singapore MRT map, but could only come up with a snail, outlined mostly by the shell of the Circle line, the body of the East West line from Paya Lebar, and the two tentacles leading to Pasir Ris and Changi Airport.)

Even More Un-PC Than Me

I was discussing upcoming holiday plans with Alec, specifically the Eastern Europe part of the trip. We were considering the cost viability of a railpass by trying to see if all the places we wanted to see were actually on good train routes.

Alec: Well, we all know you can definitely get to Auschwitz by train!
Me: ……
Alec: ……
Me: Okay, next topic of conversation.

London Calling To The Faraway Town

I have a two week holiday between the end of my exams in late April and the return of my nose to the mooting grindstone in mid-May, and of course I’m making a beeline for London. (With a jaunt to Poland and the Czech Republic.) And even though it’s more than two months away, I can’t stop thinking about it.

There’s so much I want to cram into those precious few days there, but I can’t decide whether to spend the time revisiting what I already know and love, or to explore the vastness(es) I still didn’t get round to discovering even over four years there.

The tug of the familiar and beloved is difficult to resist – I want to stay in Bloomsbury, visit dear old Jeremy B (deceased) in the UCL building, buy too many CDs in Berwick Street, and check for new sad robot graffiti on Brick Lane. I want to attend mass either in Newman House or the noon one in St Anselm & St Cecilia with the amazing choir. I want to rollerblade in Hyde Park. I want to lose money at the greyhounds.

I want to have a leisurely breakfast (fry-up) reading the papers in Cafe Valencia on Marchmont Street, eat anything anytime in Savoir Faire, Song Que (yes, I obviously don’t need to go all the way to London for Vietnamese food, but the crispy pancakes, oh the crispy pancakes!), The Perseverance, Carluccio’s, South, Incognico before 7 pm, strawberry beer on a Sunday afternoon at The Spitz.

There’ll be an El Greco exhibition at the National Gallery. Roy Lichtenstein at the Hayward. I’m adamant on Jerry Springer The Opera. McLusky are playing The Garage on 6 May. I’m keeping an eye on the Do Something Pretty and Track And Field gig guides to make sure I don’t miss out on the small venue gigs Stargreen doesn’t list. (Incidentally, this is actually an exercise in agony, due to all the gigs I’ve found out I’ll be missing. The Shins are at the tiny beautiful Water Rats pub on 1 April, for which I reckon tickets will be all of £5, and Yo La Tengo have decided to deny me a third brush with gibbering ecstasy by playing the Shepherd’s Bush Empire a month before that. Insert profuse swearing here.)

And then there’s the other impetus – to do something new. I always meant to go to the Sir John Soane’s Museum but never got round to it. Same with the Dulwich Picture Gallery. And the view from Richmond Hill. And a Regent’s Canal walk. And meals at Andrew Edmunds and Frederick’s and Le Cafe Du Marche.

I haven’t even got to the human aspect of a London visit yet – all the dear friends I want to see again. Eep. Something tells me it’s going to be a very manic 5 days.

The Enchanter (Vladimir Nabokov)

Nabokov’s novella The Enchanter is a precursor of sorts to Lolita, but it really does inhabit an immensely foggier area between literature and soft-core pornography than the latter work. Although the basic idea of marrying the nymphet’s mother to gain access to her stays much the same between both books, by the time Nabokov came to write Lolita (The Enchanter was written years before that in Russian and translated only recently into English by his son) “the thing was new and had grown in secret the claws and wings of a novel” – as he puts it so inimitably in the preface.

Basically, I recommend The Enchanter if you:
(a) are a Nabokov junkie; and/or
(b) are a paedophile

Here are some sample passages. The first one’s from page 4, no less. He certainly wastes no time in getting to the point:

“What if the way to true bliss is indeed through a still delicate membrane, before it has had time to harden, become overgrown, lose the fragrance and the shimmer through which one penetrates to the throbbing star of that bliss? Even within these limitations I proceed with a refined selectivity; I’m not attracted to every schoolgirl that comes along, far from it – how many one sees, on a gray morning street, that are husky, or skinny, or have a necklace of pimples or wear spectacles – those kinds interest me as little, in the amorous sense, as a lumpy female acquaintance might interest someone else. In any case, independently of any special sensations, I feel at home with children in general, in all simplicity; I know that I would be a most loving father in the common sense of the word, and to this day cannot decide whether this is a natural complement or a demonic contradiction.”

The next two are considerably more ewww-worthy. After his wife’s sudden death, the protagonist is on a train to her friend’s house, where her daughter had been staying during her illness. He is now the little girl’s guardian.

“Luxuriating in the concentrated rays of an internal sun, he pondered the delicious alliance between premeditation and pure chance, the Edenic discoveries that awaited her, the way the amusing traits peculiar to bodies of different sex, seen at close range, would appear extraordinary yet natural and homey to her, while the subtle distinctions of intricately refined passion would long remain for her but the alphabet of innocent caresses: she would be entertained only with storybook images (the pet giant, the fairy-tale forest, the sack with its treasure), and with the amusing consequences that would ensue when she inquisitively fingered the toy with the familiar but never tedious trick.

Thus they would live on – laughing, reading books, marveling at gilded fireflies, talking of the flowering walled prison of the world, and he would tell her tales and she would listen, his little Cordelia, and nearby the sea would breathe beneath the moon….And exceedingly slowly, at first with all the sensitivity of his lips, then in earnest, with all their weight, ever deeper, only thus – for the first time – into your inflamed heart, thus, forcing my way, thus, plunging into it, between its melting edges…

The lady who had been sitting across from him for some reason suddenly got up and went into another compartment; he glanced at the blank face of his wristwatch – it wouldn’t be long now – and then he was already ascending next to a white wall crowned with blinding shards of glass as a multitude of swallows flew overhead.”

The thing is, even at his worst, Nabokov’s prose in other parts of this book is still head and shoulders over almost anything else I read. I would like to deny The Enchanter the status of “literature” (yes, I realize that word contains multitudes but let’s just use it in its most narrow-minded traditional sense for these purposes, mmmmkay?), but I can’t. Nabokov junkies should read this, because I’m pretty sure it still has a lot of what you like about him. People who have never read Nabokov should not start with this, but buy Lolita pronto. I’m not qualified to advise the paedophiles.

My Funny Valentine

There are worse ways to spend Valentine’s Day than waking up to lilies delivered by Alec, going out later that evening to meet Terry for dinner and cocktails on the NUSS terrace balcony, then being presented with even more lilies, going home to videoconference with Alec, and finally arranging my big combined lily bunch in a vase before going to sleep. There really are.

[In case it looks like I'm two-timing someone somewhere, rest assured that I'm not. I'm merely lucky enough to have a great guy friend in Terry who knows how to treat girls but doesn't have any designs on me, a secure boyfriend in Alec who knows how much he is loved and therefore has no problems with my multitudes of close male friends, and the very pleasant coincidence between Alec and Terry of good taste in flowers.]

And that’s not all. Those of you who’ve been reading this site for a while may remember Bellagio, the inflatable, anatomically correct sheep Alec presented to me one night in Italy. When I had to leave for Singapore, we decided Bellagio would stay with Alec, since I didn’t think my mother would be particularly receptive to her charms, and she’d have lots of sheep friends in Ireland anyway. (There was, of course, the mild possibility that the other sheep could ostracize her due to her inflatable nature, but we hoped showing them her orifice would be proof enough of her essential sheepness.)

So as a charming epilogue to this tale of Valentine’s bliss, Alec, ever romantic, decided to show me just how much he appreciated the planter full of spring flowers I’d sent him. The best way of doing this, he thought, was by sending me a photo of Bellagio, posing shyly next to the planter, with a trowel in her fanny.

Hide It Like A Nuclear Weapon

If you like Orbital’s song Halcyon, this Perfect Moments In Pop feature at Stylus will evoke a blissful, understanding smile. If you’ve never heard the song you will think it’s a pile of shite written by someone on craaayyyzeee mushrooms, but ohhhh, please put yourself in a position to understand. Please.

In other music linkage, oh dear. Ohdearohdearohdearohdear.

Looks Like A Flower But She Stings Like A Bee

Friday night in the Raffles City carpark, on the way to Cityspace. A phone call from Alec at the precise moment M and B spotted an object of desire in a backless top.

Me, in M’s car: Oh, hello dear, I’ve just been judging debates and I’m headed out for drinks with some of the old debating guys.
M and B, going wild in the background: Oh MAN, check out that fucking hot chick! Oh my GOD she’s not wearing anything under that skimpy top! Yeah, baby! (etc.)
Alec: Riiiiiiiigght.
Me: Er, they’re normally very intellectual. Really. They’re just tired.
Alec: Go have some fun, dear. We can talk later.

Friday had range. Evidence seminar in the morning. Meeting with my future boss in the afternoon, in which I was pleasantly reminded of her extreme coolness. Judging secondary school debates at breakneck speed for four hours at night. Reeling out of the debates with fellow judges. Dancing to Milkshake, Baby Boy and Hey Ya (also She Bangs, where the DJ exhorted us all to “Do it like William“) 70 storeys above the Singapore nightscape, and retiring soon after that to Cityspace, where I fell madly in love with the lighting.

All great fun except for the mild frivolous downer that I felt somewhat dowdy in such a gorgeous place with my sober Meeting Future Boss attire and big bag o’ law notes from the morning lectures. Am currently considering whether judging the next round of debates in an orange halter-neck top would detract from my gravitas.

Non-Grouchy Moments

I meant to write about the Friday night before Chinese New Year: the prosperity god in a Suntec City atrium with enormous breasts that turned out to be unfortunately placed oranges, the first yu sheng of the season on the outdoor balcony of NUSS bar, $6 cocktails, filthy conversations which were hopefully not overheard by too many people due to their extreme offensiveness, the astonishing ability of Mundian To Bach Ke to collectively transform Fay, Yen and me from house-music-induced sleepyheads into dancefloor divas in the Boom Boom Room, the astonishing ability of Yish to climb large sculptures in Raffles Place and get dragged on stage by drag queen cabaret comedians, the astonishing discovery by me that I was thoroughly enjoying myself in Singapore.

I meant to write about judging a debating tournament the next day at Serangoon JC, and being told by a particular teacher that he would never forget how, two years ago, I had rebuilt his team’s shattered confidence after their day of losses and harsh criticism.

I meant to write about last Saturday’s excursion to the mindboggling Mitre Hotel on Killiney Road (Directions: Walk down Killiney Road, away from Orchard Road and past all the food joints. You will see “145″ spray-painted on a pillar, and a scary-ass pitch dark driveway on your left, which every intuitive bone in your body tells you not to walk up. Walk up it. Round the bend there will appear a quiet, dimly lighted building vaguely reminiscent of the Bates Motel. You’ve arrived.), where we swigged cheap beer, sat gingerly on ancient dusty mismatched furniture, tiptoed up unlighted staircases to gawk at the unbelievable dilapidation of the first storey, and somehow loved it so much we’re adamant on going back and becoming regulars at the bar.

I meant to write about beginning to find some shreds of meaning in my life in Singapore, but I was too busy living it.

Whoo! Whoo! It’s The Sound Of Da…Disappointment

An open letter to DJ Jazzy Jeff:

This is the second time you’ve done this to me. For the second time, I’ve gone to see you DJ at Zouk and you’ve taunted me cruelly with only the opening of KRS-One’s Sound Of Da Police but none of the verses.

The first time, I tried to tell myself it was the cool way to do DJ sets – drop some obviously famous beats so that the crowd will go wild with recognition, but then switch to something else more obscure fairly fast so you don’t look like you’re just playing a The Best Hip-Hop Album In The World, Evah! compilation. And to a certain extent, this often works for me quite well. I no longer feel the need to “Jump around! Jump around! Jump up jump up and get down! Jump! Jump! Jump! etc.” but I’m still happy enough to dance to the first verse.

The problem, and of course this is totally subjective, is that what applies to Jump Around doesn’t apply to Sound Of Da Police, okay? Hearing the intro is simply not enough. I demand KRS-One’s righteous bellow of “STAND CLEAR! Don man a-talk, you can’t stand where I stand you can’t walk where I walk. WATCH OUT! We run New York, police man come we bust him out of the park!”, I long to be in a club full of people gabbling that meld from “oberseer” to “officer” in the second verse, and as he ends the third verse with “My grandfather had to deal with the cops, my great-grandfather dealt with the cops, and then my great great great great…” hell yeah I want to join in and complete the line by yelling “WHEN IT’S GONNA STOP??!”

[The fact that I am an affluent yellow girl whose only real encounter with the police ever was making a report when I lost my wallet as a teenager, and that they were really rather nice at the time, should not negate my right to profess undying love for this song. Or even to shout along in simulated rage.]

So please, Jazzy. If I ever see you play again, give us the whole song. You already played your part in inflicting Will Smith on the world, thereby depriving mainstream radio for years of any hip-hop worth listening to. Are you willing to shoulder the blame for this further cruelty?





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