Archive for February, 2002

Reasons To Live

Anticipatory exam dread and its accompanying crabbiness seem to have arrived exceptionally early this year. I could say this is mostly because it’s my final year but must admit that it is probably also due in no small part to the strange coincidence between me deciding to give Coke up for Lent and everyone I live with suddenly deciding that Coke is their favourite drink, drinking it everywhere and leaving half-empty cans of Coke around the house.

Still, not all is glum. The early hours of this morning were spent worshipping at the altar of hallmate Michael’s colossal CD collection (which I subsequently plundered, and intend to thoroughly rape and pillage in future), then listening to some of the spoils (Mogwai: EP + 6, then Godspeed You Black Emperor!: Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas To Heaven) while snuggled in bed with Cryptonomicon and peach mousse. It may have been a waste of two hours I should have spent working, but at least it didn’t involve Vegas-style Solitaire, which Alec evilly introduced me to last week and which I have been weaning myself off ever since.

Also, the Ali G movie is coming out soon. A reason to live if ever one was needed.

My Biggest Fan

“If I’m really bored, I read Red Meat. And then if I’m really, really desperate, then I go read your site.” – My boyfriend, ever-affirming and supportive.

Typical

While I am away for a weekend of prayer at the UCL Catholic Society retreat, my site continues to be grist for the mill of worldwide moral degeneracy.

Memory Hole

A character in Cryptonomicon (435 pages down, 918 minus 435 more to go!) referred to a “peace dividend”. It took about 10 seconds for me to remember what that was and where I’d learnt about that from (preparing a case on disarmament for the World Schools Debating Championships in ‘98). In a Dublin cafe Alec described Singapore as “monetarist” (amongst other things) to a friend of his and for at least a few seconds I couldn’t remember what that meant either.

Passing thought: how much have I forgotten and don’t even remember ever knowing? Facts, ideas, people?

Going Down

If God has no sense of humour, you might want to keep an eye out at the Last Judgment for Alec and I trying to explain how exactly we came to be discussing the improbability of Mary allowing Jesus to go out into the desert for 40 days and 40 nights without insisting he bring some sandwiches and a woolly jumper, because just think how that would make her look in front of all the other virgin mothers…

Then again, given that my site seems to inexplicably, er, pop up, with frightening regularity and apparent relevance on searches of varying levels of moral degeneracy, I might have a lot more to explain to Him than just that.

There’s also this cartoon on my room door, just below the slip of paper printed with “Where am I going? And why am I in this handbasket?”

I think the evidence is mounting up. Ulp.

Cease To Resist, Giving My Goodbye

When walking down the street feeling grand because it’s a beautiful day and feeling an irresistable urge to burst into song, do not give into said urge if the last song you’ve been listening to was Wave Of Mutilation. Even if it is a perfect sunny day song which should be blasted from the rooftops, in your humble opinion.

Actually, strange looks and their perpetrators be damned. It’s still in my head. Gower Street, prepare thyself!

International Ass

Oh, I forgot to say: things will probably be quiet here till Monday at least, because I’m Ryanairing off to Ireland tomorrow.

Meanwhile I continue to utter unfortunately phrased and embarrassing statements garnering strange looks from surrounding people in the computer cluster room, such as explaining on the phone to a public international law coursemate that “I really have to get my public international ass into gear”.

One Liners + Poetry Jumble

Newsmax.com’s daily updated archive of one-liners from late night American talk show monologues is an invaluable service to the Lenoless and Conancraving worldwide. Continuing in the vein of shallow low-brow things that I unashamedly enjoy, I watch these on cable in Singapore, and was sorely missing them last night when I lost ten minutes of my life to Jonathan Ross and his mission of boredom.

  • The U.S. military says that even though Osama bin Laden may have left Afghanistan, they will continue to bomb as long as Geraldo is there. – Leno
  • If you don’t laugh, that means the terrorists have won. – Leno
  • The Olympic Torch completed its 13,000-mile journey tonight in Utah. Unfortunately, local Mormons thought the torch was a cigarette butt and stomped it out. – Conan
  • Next week on Sesame Street they are going to air a series of shows to explain the war on terrorism to kids. That’s a good idea. This also explains why Oscar The Grouch is being held in a trash can on Guantanamo Bay. – Conan
  • Happy New Year! If you’re watching this at home, you are having one lame party! – Conan
  • Osama bin Laden is planning a televised suicide. I call that hosting the Academy Awards. – Letterman

Rather less low-brow is plagiarist.com, which has a pretty damn fantastic range of poetry available, including many favourites I haven’t put up here [my old site] yet.

Try some e.e. cummings if you never have, and even if you have make sure you’ve read these:

Variation On The Word Sleep and Postcards are Margaret Atwood discoveries which remind me I really must go buy some of her poetry, despite not always being keen on her prose (loved A Handmaid’s Tale, abandoned Alias Grace, am somehow completely uninterested in A Robber Bride).

No Simile Intended

From Cryptonomicon:

“The taxi stops. The driver turns and looks at him expectantly. Randy thinks for a moment that the driver has gotten lost and is looking to Randy for instructions. The road terminates here, in a parking lot mysteriously placed in the middle of the cloud forest. Randy sees half a dozen big air-conditioned trailers bearing the logos of various Nipponese, German and American firms; a couple of dozen cars; as many buses. All the accoutrements of a major construction site are here, plus a few extras, like two monkeys with giant stiff penises fighting over some booty from a Dumpster, but there is no construction site. Just a wall of green at the end of the road, green so dark it’s almost black.”

I reread this paragraph a couple of times, struggling to figure out the simile. Then I finally realized there wasn’t any. He meant real monkeys.

Debating And Pop Idol And Coffee Sugar Nazism

The tournament was great. Will won Pop Idol. A good weekend!

Before I say I think the tournament went pretty damn brilliantly the typical Michellian disclaimer is necessary – ideally, I’d have liked more teams and judges involved, and ideally the first proposition team in the final wouldn’t have turned a motion which had great potential for something interesting (This House Would Shaft The Axis Of Evil) into an incredibly boring debate about removing Oxbridge privileges. But apart from that, everything seemed to run almost disturbingly smoothly, which actually worried me quite a lot – I kept thinking I’d somehow overlooked some huge glaring problem and waiting for the anvil to drop, but it just never did, and I’m reasonably proud that in roughly four years of tournament debating (since ‘98) mine was the first tournament I’ve ever been at which ran on time.

So thank you, Mark, for putting up with all my malaise and moodiness, for being lovely in so many ways, and lastly (and very importantly) for booking rooms that actually existed this time. We were both admittedly mightily pissed while exchanging affirmations of love and friendship and each other’s general wonderfulness on Saturday night, but I stand proudly by everything I said, even now in the sobering light of day. Been great working with you, dear.

I raced home from the tournament with a beatific smile on my face, headed straight to the TV room in search of Avril, who’d taped Pop Idol for me, and did a lot of girlie screaming. Realized later that this is the only British pop cultural whirlwind I’ve actually gotten sucked into in my two and a half years here, but this one really did manage to reel me in, hook, line and sinker. I’ve explained to Alec that I came upon it at a vulnerable time; that having not seen him for two weeks due to our respective ski trips and missing him dreadfully I was just there for Will’s taking (oof, perhaps a bad turn of phrase there) that fateful Saturday evening in December when I wandered into the TV room and was transfixed. He remains unconvinced. Oh well. Good luck and best wishes, Will. Your profile is distinctly primatial but from the front you’re lovely, cheesy grin and all.

Much like the Sunday after the last debating tournament I organized, yesterday was a whole lotta wonderful nothing. Woke up at noon. Lunched and coffee’d with Russ, whom I dearly wish hadn’t brought me that belated Christmas present of American Gods, because he inconsiderately went and bought himself the tripod I was going to give him, and now I’m stuck for ideas. Treated the congregation at mass to an unusually muted and reflective version of Shine Jesus Shine (the hymn Fr J disdainfully refers to as likening Jesus to Brasso). Lingered downstairs with soup, John, Tay and bizarre conversation that involved coffee sugar Nazism (Me: “Does it make me some sort of lesser person because I like two sugars in my coffee, goddamit?”) and awful puns about a strange guy called Terry who comes to our hall and makes trouble every now and then. (Tay: “Man, this is scary. I’m terrified, man. I’m developing terranoia…I really don’t like it when he comes over here. I get all territorial.” And so on.)





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