Archive for January, 2002

Much Flitting Little Blogging

What I actually do with my life, which this blog used to feature reasonably regularly, in reasonably faithful detail, has been markedly absent lately. There are good reasons for this.

A lot of it has been boring – one, I’ve been trying to remind myself that I do rather want a First in this law degree, and have reluctantly embarked on tentative incursions into textbooks and other unfamiliar entities. I must admit this hasn’t been completely painful. Highlights include The Last Days of Socrates, complete with hunky Greek tutor who kept unintentionally sending the 14 or so girls in the seminar group (I assume not the lone guy) wild with seemingly innocuous remarks like “This will be our last session together”.

Two, the monster that is the UCL intervarsity debating tournament I have to organise gets bigger, scarier and hairier as the days go by – it’s a week from tomorrow. My various panic attacks about this remain largely concealed from the world at large, apart from co-organizer Mark, who tends to meet them with gales of laughter and “God, we’re so crap!”

Three, music and reading lately has involved much flitting between various books and albums with little real long-term commitments to any, and therefore no commentary of substance to give. The Borders Student Discount Day (bless ‘em) yielded Watchmen (finally), Fleur Adcock: Poems 1960-2000, Our Aim Is To Satisfy Red Snapper (Red Snapper), The Broken Down Comforter Collection (Grandaddy), Keep It Unreal (Mr Scruff), Headhunters (Herbie Hancock) and I can’t remember which orchestra playing a lot of Vaughan-Williams. Have also been very pleasantly diverted by Cryptonomicon since finding it in Waterstones for the very agreeable price of £2.99 (all 918 pages, too) a few weeks ago. But as I said, much flitting, little absorbing.

Having said all this, there are actually things I wish I’d written about in here, and may still do if I find the time. Walking (squelching) in the driving rain to Borough Market. Peppered Bambi dinners. Trying to figure out what it is I like so much about skylights. Other random snippets which I used to find the time to write about.

This sounds pensive, but it isn’t meant to. Life’s been a bit more stressful lately than I’d like, and it’ll continue that way until after the tournament at the very least, but happiness is still easy enough. Kettle Chips. Blind Date. Alec.

  January 31, 02 | Londoner Forever | Closed

The Parking Lot Is Overflowing

Not only is The Parking Lot Full, it’s also Evil and Utterly Brilliant.

I can’t leave the computer room.

I had things to do today.

  January 28, 02 | Easily Amused | Closed

Cast Of Characters + Economist Style Quiz

So far this site has featured Crazy Elbows At Eye-Jabbing Level Girl & Very Sweaty Shirtless I’m-Soooo-Cool-Because- You-Can-See-My-Calvins-Over-The-Top-Of-My-Well-Filled-
Trousers Guy, Stupor Guy and possibly a few more characters I’ve forgotten about since. Bryan introduces the world to a whole host more. Unexpectedly Attractive Birthmark Girl Who Slouches sounds particularly intriguing.

In news of the random, pointless and childish, here’s thumbing my nose at you, Ken. I beat you by one mark in the Economist style quiz. 9/12. Nyah.

Of course, in the same paragraph where I gloat over achieving this standard in writing style, I engage in obtuse mixing and mangling of cultural references, probably to incomprehensible effect. Always the hypocrite.

  January 24, 02 | Links | Closed

At Least Nobody Threw Haggis (Burns Day 2002)

At least nobody threw haggis, even at this joke (slightly modified from how it was delivered):

The other day, my friend told me she’d just received a delivery of a dozen red roses from her boyfriend. “I suppose this means I’ll have to be spending the weekend with my legs in the air,” she said. “Surely you have a vase?” I said, bemused.

As I said, at least nobody threw haggis. Small mercies.

  January 24, 02 | Easily Amused and Londoner Forever | Closed

Death By Haggis (Burns Day 2002)

The next time I consider agreeing to do a stand-up comedy routine on gender relations, in the crypt of a church, in front of a Christian ecumenical group mostly composed of puritanical American Protestants, who will most likely have large portions of uneaten sheep entrails at their disposal, will somebody please stop me?

Of all the ways there are to die, death by haggis is probably one of the least dignified.

(For anyone who’s mystified as to the occasion I describe above, a little clarity is available here. Just a little, though. My apparent longing for public humiliation remains inexplicable.)

  January 23, 02 | Londoner Forever | Closed

All Tomorrow’s Parties Are Elsewhere

GUESS WHAT??? All Tomorrow’s Parties!!! Has been rescheduled!!! To March 14-17!!! In UCL….A.

Sigh. So near, yet so far.

Would’ve made a great birthday present. Sigh.

Is anyone out there very rich, very generous and very foolish? Anyone at all?

I didn’t think so. Sigh.

  January 18, 02 | Music Geekery | Closed

Pitchfork 1, Sonic Youth 0

Ha. Pitchfork may poke fun at my favourite band a little too gleefully, and I really don’t think NYC Ghosts and Flowers was quite as dire as the 0.0 Brent DiCrescenzo gave it, but at least they’re funny, and often spot-on.

The NYC Ghosts review has this exceptionally penetrating insight about Kim Gordon’s vocal contributions to the album (hey, in my opinion, every album. I’ve written about it before.):
“Elsewhere, it’s straight spoken word, or in Gordon’s case, “grunted word”– the quality of which brings to mind freshman poetry classes where that one Doors worshiper recites beat prose to the general embarrassment of the entire class.”

From a recent news update:
“In Sonic Youth side project news, keep an eye out for the Supreme Indifference on Kill Rock Stars. The trio consists of Jim O’Rourke, Alan Licht, and Kim Gordon. The first track has been titled “Male in-Communication.” We suspect it is hideously experimental.”

  January 18, 02 | Music Geekery | Closed

Blur Moron

Is it just me being overly harsh, or is someone who calls up Xfm voting for Blur as the ultimate epitome of Britpop and then says the one song from their entire repertoire that represents this is Song 2 just a complete moron?

On days like this I want to wear this T-shirt.

Excuse this grumpiness. I have spent the day trying to absorb the subtleties of English Conflict of Laws rules on jurisdictional clauses. In practice this means I have spent the day falling asleep at my desk, and have the pen stain on my cheek to prove it.

  January 17, 02 | Music Geekery | Closed

Strip-Club Defamation

Alec takes issue with my strip-club entry and demands an opportunity to clarify things. I see no reason for this defensiveness on his part. In my opinion the people teasing him about this all just secretly wish they had a boyfriend to go to strip clubs to with too, although I suppose I should make no such conclusions about Fr John.

Nevertheless, he feels besmirched and who am I to deny a good Irish Catholic boy the chance to dredge his reputation up from the muddy gutters it already languishes in?

(Published as received. All mistakes his.)

Michelle I demand that the following be printed in full on your web site.

Following the entry of January 7th, I find position in good society considerably undermined. In my defence……

* I was prompted to consider this entertainment by a friend (who shall remain nameless).

* Rather than show my distain outright and attach my friend’s moral shortcomings, I started to ruminate a more edifying scheme. Soon I had resolved that it would be more educational for my friend to be confronted not just by my own moral ire but also by the prospect of Michelle’s company throughout the performance. I pictured the scene thus; (friend sitting at table staring at stage with vacant, lecherous stare. Enter Alec and Michelle. Friend joyfully welcomes Alec to his world of filth. At this moment he recognises Michelle. I volunteer to purchase the drinks and exit stage right while friend is left to squirm, uncomfortably and make awkward chit chat with Michelle. Soon after friend is overcome by embarrassment and requests that we move to a more respectable venue)

* May I add that at this point the scheme was merely an amusing fancy which I mentioned to Michelle for our mutual amusement. However Michelle took to the scheme with an enthusiasm which was on the one hand, very worrying, but on the other quite infectious.

* The plan eventually came to nothing because the ‘club’ ceases performances at midnight. Anyone who knows Michelle will understand why this is a problem. As an aside may I suggest that any club which closes doors at midnight can only be mildly debauched.

* That evening was instead spent watching Austin Powers: the Spy who Shagged Me – and I’d didn’t feel at all disappointed.

In the last few days my good name has been dragged through the mud. Everywhere I go people make inquiries about this particular date and smile and wink and whisper behind my back. I have even had interested inquiries from my parish priest. Enough! I ask you the readers of this site to respond to this slander against my character my inundating this website with emails saying ‘Morally vindicated’.Michelle should not be allowed to use this site to spread half truths and lies just to satisfy the vulgar, sensationalist, tabloid interests of her readers (i.e. Mark).

Alec

  January 14, 02 | Alecdotes | Closed

Moot Win/Pacha London/Dom Boots

Miscellaneous disjointed updates:

After spending more time and energy thinking about eyelash-tinting than mentally healthy, I’m pleased to report that we won Wednesday’s moot and are in the next round of the competition. Notable successes of the day included restraining ourselves from referring to Jennifer Lopez’s butt insurance while trying to argue that “Demi Massinger”, the model suing our beautician client, could bloody well have gone and insured her eyelashes if they were that important to her career. Also satisfactory was our efficient downing of Screaming Orgasms and peach margaritas in the 20 minutes we had in the pub before we had to catch the train back to London. A rather fulfilling day.

Don’t bother with Pacha London on a Friday night unless you want to see the tackiest chandelier ever, and pay nearly twice the price (£15!) for half the quality of music you can get in Turnmills. The crowd was friendly and unpretentious, though, which is always good. Even Martini Breath Guy who felt it was very very important to talk to me in order to promote the interaction of Western and Eastern cultures, and who simply couldn’t understand that my name was not Mya-Chung or Mi-Choo or something else vaguely Oriental sounding, was amusing for about ten minutes.

The dominatrix boots have received their first wearing. I managed to teeter quite successfully through the Egyptian and Greek sections of the British Museum, although staircases raised minor issues. Teething problems. I’ll whip these boots into shape soon enough.

Django is showing me love for the first time in a long while. Goodbye 20th Century (Sonic Youth) and Sounds From The Gulf Stream (Marine Research) are hopefully pootling their way across the Atlantic to me. Yay.

  January 14, 02 | Lawyering | Closed
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