Archive for May, 2001

England/Scotland 2001: Snippets From Halfway

So much to write about, so little time trespassing in a Durham university computer room to write it…

I could write about Luke’s infrequent and reluctant observances of personal hygiene, or his frequent and enthusiastic attempts at cornball humour. There’s also his Sainsbury’s fetish.

I could write about our strange and irrational fascination with going to John O’Groats, despite knowing almost nothing about what is there, simply because we like the name. There’s the saga of the canned curry and accompanying naan. There’s the ongoing religious warfare. There’s our complete inability, even now, to bother making any plans whatsoever about Scotland.

I could go into daffodil ruminations - we pass fields upon fields of them in the bus (we’re National Expressing around), and the novelty of that strident yellow in the placidity of the English countryside still hasn’t worn off yet - but why are they there, and who plants them? Answers on a disgustingly touristy Sherwood Forest postcard…

I should definitely mention lovely friends who have borne our idiosyncratic impositions with patience and generosity. Kaif and Paul in Cambridge, Terence in Nottingham, Natalie in York and Jed in Durham: thank you, thank you, thank you. Apart from being wonderful, you’ve also saved us a lot of money, and that fact in particular really does make me love you more.

Cambridge

Combine gorgeous weather, unbelievably hospitable friends and a willingness to look touristy without feeling self-conscious, and you get a great first day of a holiday.

Lunch was by the river, on Trinity College members’ only grass courtesy of Kaifeng and Vikram. Relieved at avoiding the plebs, we of course engaged in highly cultured ruminations such as how birds reproduce. (eg. Luke, scrutinizing passing ducks, “But I don’t see anything sticking out anywhere!”).

Punting followed, unsurprisingly, with the punt starting in the capable hands of Kaifeng, then passing into the considerably less skilled but enthusiastic grasp of Luke (this part is mostly a blur, but I seem to remember a lot of “BRACE! BRACE!”) and finally getting into my admittedly least competent custodianship. Getting us moving was okay. I could do that. It was just maintaining any one direction that didn’t involve the banks, other boats or going backwards that was the problem.

Kaifeng then left for Brighton with some friends, leaving us his keys with the naive and oft-regretted instructions to “make ourselves at home”, and we biked with Paul to Grantchester, where we sat in deckchairs among flowering trees at The Orchard and had tea and scones and clotted cream and jam, and a theological debate.

I was charmed, not just by the immediate appeal of the place but also by its past as a haven for the Grantchester Group (Rupert Brooke, E.M. Forster, Virginia Woolf, Bertrand Russell, Augustus John, Maynard Keynes, Ludwig Wittgenstein). We went into the dinky little Rupert Brooke museum, and I felt a sudden affection for Bloomsbury, home to me in London these past two years, and home to the Bloomsbury Group (Virginia Woolf and Keynes were members of this too) eighty or so years ago. Most of the time, the area’s past as a place where great minds lived and worked is somewhat less on my mind than the fact that I’m half an hour late for an hour-long lecture, and I sprint around, oblivious.

But sometimes, it hits me. Charles Darwin lived down the road from where I live now, Keynes nearby at Gordon Square, George Bernard Shaw, fleetingly, at Fitzroy Square. When I try to list things I came here for, this is one of them, as remote and superficial and meaningless as the connection may be..

Off To North England and Scotland

I’ve popped in to say that I’m going on a merrie exploringge trippe around ye olde England and ye…er…bonnie Scotland with Luke tomorrow, and so updates may or may not happen for the next week. We’re sponging off friends in Cambridge, Nottingham, York and Durham, so Internet access should be easily available there, but once we hit Scotland it’ll have to be cybercafes, which we may or may not go to. There will, however, be many hours spent on National Express coaches, during which I’ll have plenty of time to scribble things down as I tend to enjoy doing on long rides, so perhaps some of that will make an appearance here when we get back.

We get back to London on the second or thirdish, I think. We only planned all of this yesterday, so we have no idea what we’re doing in Scotland or where we’re staying. What fun. :)

Meanwhile, tonight is a poetry reading at my hall, which should be interesting at the very least. I’m reading this, because I think it reads well and is easy to listen to, and because most of the poetry I’ve written myself recently is either too poor or too private to share. Got to run back for it now - I anticipate Artem the mad Russian reading William McGonagall, and I don’t want to miss it.

Hi, I’m A Walking Tourist Brochure

Life right now is almost the stuff of trite summer London tourist brochures, and it’s wonderful.

Monday was meant to begin with swimming, but ULU decided to close the pool for repairs till July on the very day I’d resolved to start a fitness regimen. The afternoon was Requiem For A Dream at the Prince Charles Cinema (admittedly not quite the feelgood hit of the season, but I loved it), me dragging ever-patient Russ with his gym bag around HMV, and overpriced chai and priceless conversation at Essence.

Dinner with various hallmates was creamy pasta, chicken kievs, Savoy cabbage garnished with bacon bits, fried onions and sweetcorn (my contribution), and peaches with Neapolitan ice-cream. We washed up to the sound of other hallmates singing Gretchaninoff’s Cantate Domino, in four-part harmony. Noelia sashayed downstairs, having embarked on intensive post-exam drinking much earlier in the day and now trying to recover from a hangover at 9.30 at night. Artem the mad Russian was laughing maniacally at Running Man in the TV room.

I spent the rest of the night in my room, listening to the CDs I’d bought at HMV (Copland, orchestral works; Sibelius, Symphony No 2 and Jascha Heifetz playing the Violin Concerto in D; Yehudi Menuhin playing the Beethoven and Mendelssohn Violin Concertos) and trudging through Underworld, which is getting increasingly tedious two thirds of the way through, and eventually put me to sleep.

* * *

Tuesday was for reading. I spent three leisurely hours in the UCL library, now almost empty because everyone has either finished exams or is studying outside on the grass. I joined them there later, with my little pile of books (Steppenwolf, Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit, Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Dead, Made In America, Zen And The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance).

Next stop was Waterstones, when summerness had started to be a bit of a pain in the arse. I’m a Waterstones skimmer and Borders reader, so the next hour was spent without really committing myself to anything, but flitting from section to section. Sputnik Sweetheart, English Passengers, The Death Of Vishnu, poetry by Kenneth Patchen, Arthur Rimbaud (in translation), the new Seamus Heaney, Nigella Bites, a book about Francis Bacon, and after Francis Bacon I felt like going back out into the sunshine, so I did.

Back at home, we went through the draft copy of our hall yearbook, ostensibly to check for errors (we corrected “bollix” to “bollocks”), but more so that we could scribble comments like “Let’s go, grrrls!” and “Phhhhwwwwoaaaarrr” under people’s entries.

* * *

Wednesday was time for some practicality again, and the afternoon was spent with Luke trying to plan our upcoming jaunt up the UK, which involved a fire alarm at Borders, brochure hoarding at the British Tourist Office, the recently shrunken fiver lunch at Belgo’s, the grass at Soho Square, swing dancing with Jitterbugs at the Notre Dame, and the generally loony exuberance that is Luke’s company.

* * *

And today? Today is gorgeous and zingy, and it’s all gonna be great.

Poem: Persimmons (Li-Young Lee)

In summer, when supermarket fruit sections here finally come alive with ruddy strawberry red and the succulence of peaches, and everything looks vibrant and celebratory instead of apologetic, it’s a great time to read Persimmons, although I can’t actually think of a bad time to read anything written by Li-Young Lee. Who is, by the way, one of the writers on my wishlist. :P

Yo La Tengo!

It’s wonderful having friends you can impose on. :)

I Can Hear The Heart Beating As One is finally on its way from Django, after months of unsuccessful attempts to snap it up before other people every time a second-hand copy became available. Many thanks to Russ, whose credit card and good nature came in very handy when I realized I hadn’t paid my credit card bill for a while, and couldn’t use it.

Hardly Hedonism

FREEDOM.

And now the hedonism begins. No fits yet, Mum, hedonism my style is ridiculously tame.

Friday was lots of Japanese food (girly lunch at Ikkyu with Victoria and Jolene, exorbitant dinner at Yo!Sushi with Russ, Gareth, Matt, and assorted friends of Gareth and Matt), some forgettable pub in Soho, and the ever-reliable Gallery at Turnmills, which yielded an excellent set from Anthony Pappa, and further addition to the growing body of evidence that my hair is too butch (picked up/groped by: 3 girls versus 1 guy. No fits here either, Mum, this cold bitch never reciprocates). Getting accosted and followed by Eurotrash from Tottenham Court Road to my doorstep while walking home alone around 5 am after parting with Russ and Gareth was rather unsettling, and, I suppose, more Mumfit-worthy, but thankfully he didn’t try to follow me in.

Saturday was quiet and practical. I woke up at four, did extensive grocery shopping and laundry, cooked a cabbage-dominated dinner aimed at stopping exam-related scurvy in its tracks, and spent the rest of the evening making a sprawling Things To Do, Places To Go and People To See list and reading the Hieronymous Bosch book I bought in Madrid last year and hadn’t got round to looking at yet. Incidental music: Dan the Automator hijacking Xfm, Modest Mouse, and Elgar. Some time after three, I put on Joyzipper (a band, not a sex toy), curled up with Love In The Time Of Cholera, and eventually drifted into sleep, refreshingly dreamless after a week of three nightmares.

And there you have it. Hardly hedonism.

In which I consider bestiality

So much for those brave little remnants of the skin of my teeth.

Now I acknowledge that in deciding to study 5 topics for an exam (Law and Institutions of the European Community, huzzah) where I had to write four essays, I should have been mentally prepared for the prospects of sudden, acute and involuntary incontinence when I looked at my exam paper.

But there I was all the same, staring wildly at an exam paper with no question on gender discrimination, a question on institutional reforms in the Treaty of Nice (Nice? That’s so current it’s actually relevant, so of course I didn’t study it…), and three questions on topics I had actually studied which I suddenly couldn’t remember anything about, and voiding seemed imminent, both of my bladder and my prospects of passing the exam.

I gritted my teeth, and decided to try the three I had some hazy recollection of, and then start making up some law for the fourth essay. Hey, if the European Court of Justice’s been getting away with it for decades, I figured I might as well give it a try.

So I was halfway through my second pile of crap (the essay, I mean the essay), and then the stereotypically bizarre invigilator (think Christopher Lloyd in Back To The Future) said that our lecturer had an announcement to make.

Oh, Margot. I’m sorry for skipping almost every lecture you’ve given. I’m sorry for muttering under my breath about cud regurgitation in the two I did attend. Because when you modified that question to ‘ “The Intergovernmental Conference in Amsterdam or Nice did not achieve its aim of institutional reform.” Discuss’, I could have made passionate love to you at that very moment, laws against bestiality be damned.

I might just have passed this exam. Fingers crossed.

Lost Hitchhiker

Oh, no. Goodbye, Douglas Adams. I wish you weren’t leaving so soon.

I’d write more, but goodbyes are better written by those who know.

Exam Apologies

There are oodles of reasons I can’t wait for these damn exams to be over, but the prime one is probably that I’d rather like to be an interesting person again.

I’m not particularly fond of myself at exam time. I get whiny, and disconsolate, and I’m generally so absorbed in personal misery at the disaster I anticipate that I can’t really think of very much else. It shows the most in my inability to carry on a conversation, I think. In trying too hard to avoid talking about exams and boring people with my moaning, I somehow find myself making comments I wouldn’t normally make - usually stuff which is either too offensive or too uninteresting to share - and to make things worse, I tend to drift off while other people are talking, which means I then have no idea what they’ve just said and no means of responding intelligently.

So to all who have had the misfortune of having to talk to me recently, and especially to anyone in my hall (which I’ve hardly ventured out from over the past few weeks) who ever reads this: please believe I’m not actually a stupid, boring, dour socially dysfunctional narcissist obsessed with studying. It’s just the fallout from spending a wonderful but study-free year as an intelligent, interesting, effervescent and socially successful narcissist. :P





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